Dear Ann Landers: My best friend, “Lucy,” has just announced that she and her husband plan to adopt a child. I am happy for them, except I know that Lucy never wanted children. When I asked her why she decided to adopt, she said she was tired of working and wanted to stay at home.
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Here’s the problem: The adoption agency will be doing a background check on Lucy before giving its approval, and I am one of the people they will be speaking to. Lucy asked for my cooperation and said, “Make us look good.”
I don’t know if I can do this. Lucy is a great gal, and she and her husband have wonderful careers, but she doesn’t strike me as good mother material. She already has asked family members if they will baby-sit when she takes her annual vacation. I am concerned that motherhood may be beyond her capabilities.
I don’t know what to do. If I tell the truth and the adoption agency rejects Lucy, she will never forgive me. If I lie, I will never forgive myself.
Please help me do the right thing.
— No Name, No State, No Good at Lying
Dear No Name: There is no need to lie. When the adoption agency asks if you think Lucy will make a good mother, tell the truth: You don’t know. It is impossible to predict who will be a good parent. Lucy may turn out to be a wonderful mother. You say she is a “great gal” and wants to stay home with her baby. That surely will work in the child’s best interest. Stop worrying.
Dear Ann Landers: I have three grandchildren, the oldest a 6-year-old girl, “Krissy.”
This girl is very bright and very pretty, but unfortunately, she is very spoiled. I work every day and can see my grandchildren only on weekends. Krissy’s other grandparents see her more often.
Last week, Krissy said to me, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, Grammy, but my other grammy is my favorite.” She said this in front of my daughter-in-law and 4-year-old grandson. No one said a word. I was embarrassed and hurt, but I decided to let it go. Yesterday, she did it again, saying, “I love my other grammy better than you.”
I realize children sometimes say cruel things unintentionally, but I think Krissy is old enough to know better. It bothers me that her parents do nothing to curb her trouble-making tendencies.
Right now, I am avoiding Krissy and her parents, but obviously I have to find a way to resolve this. Any ideas?
— Less-Loved Grandma in Virginia
Dear Grandma: It should be obvious to you that Krissy feels insecure and is fishing for an ego boost. Don’t take the bait. Say something about what a wonderful person the other grandmother is and how lucky she is to have two grammies who love her.
Dear Ann Landers: I am having a problem with my next-door neighbor. She is a 64-year-old woman, and I am a 67-year-old man. We attend aerobics classes for seniors three times a week. Every time she comes into the class, she pats me on the head and ruffles my hair. I have asked her politely to stop it, but she just laughs and says, “Don’t be silly.”
This is bothering me to no end. Any suggestions?
— Balding in Alabama
Dear Alabama: Some clods need to be hit over the head before they get the message. Be more direct. Tell her in a no-nonsense voice that you find the hair-ruffling annoying and to cut it out.
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