Dear Ann Landers: I have been married to “Hank” for 12 years, and we have three beautiful children. I thought we had a great marriage. Now, I’m not so sure.
Two weeks ago, my brother informed me that Hank had two affairs during our marriage — one was five years ago, and the other happened last fall. My brother says Hank confessed both affairs to him, but when I asked Hank about it, he said my brother is crazy and no affair ever happened. Both of them are quite convincing, and I don’t know which one to believe. Hank and I have a strong marriage and an incredible sex life. I have never given him a reason to stray, and he insists he would never do such a thing to our family. However, I cannot imagine why my brother would lie about anything so damaging. He and Hank always seemed close.
My own investigation into the matter has yielded nothing but dead ends. I am so confused I don’t know what to do. Please help me.
— Unsure in Indiana
Dear Indiana: If you have looked into the alleged affairs and discovered nothing incriminating, I hope you will give Hank the benefit of the doubt. I cannot imagine why your brother would accuse him, but unless you have other reasons to be suspicious, I urge you to let this go before it creates problems you cannot resolve.
Dear Ann Landers: I would like to respond to the letter from “Coed in Virginia,” who said someone drugged her drink at a party and had sex with her. She isn’t sure who it was or what exactly happened. She called it “date rape.” I say she was raped by a vicious criminal who needs to pay for his crime. This man attacked her when she was unable to defend herself.
Even though time has passed and she may not know her rapist, she needs to contact a victims assistance organization and get help. She should also report the incident to the police. They can interview others at the party and perhaps find out who the predator was.
Please urge your female readers to contact the authorities when something like this happens. All attacks should be reported, no matter what the circumstances. If these criminals realize they can be caught, they may think twice about their disgusting behavior.
— Lawyer in the North
Dear Lawyer: Thank you for pointing out that all sexual attacks should be reported to the police. It helps to do so immediately, but women should seek assistance even if time has passed. Whether or not an arrest is made, it sends a message to the perpetrator that you are fighting back.
Dear Ann Landers: I am 69 years old and married to “Edna.” We have a daughter who has been married to “Darren” for more than 15 years. In the last two months, Edna has started calling Darren by pet names, including her favorite, “Pudding.”
I have no idea why Edna is suddenly using these nicknames. She says they are a sign of affection, but I suspect “Pudding” is her way of telling Darren that he’s put on some weight.
My daughter does not like her mother using these names, and I want her to stop this nonsense. Edna says I am being silly. Am I?
— Pudding’s Father-in-Law
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Dear Dad: How does Darren feel about his new nicknames? It’s up to him to decide whether he will respond when Mom calls him “Pudding.” The best way to stop her from using such terms of endearment is to ignore them. That will force her to call him by his rightful name in order to get his attention. He ought to try it.
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That first kiss, that first embrace. . . . Remember all those things that brought you and your loved one together? “How We Met,” a collection of sentimental love stories, will make a terrific gift for that special someone. For a copy, please send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $5.50 (this includes postage and handling) to: How We Met, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562 (in Canada, $6.50). To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.