Dear Cheryl: I have a friend who is desperately in love. She has been seeing this man for over two years. Until recently, she lived 2 1/2 hours away and they saw each other only on the weekends. But she moved here and they started living together. That went on for five months.
The subject of marriage came up and he didn’t seem to balk. He even hinted at giving her a piece of special jewelry that had belonged to his deceased mother. Three weeks ago, she came home and found he had taken his stuff and left, leaving a voice mail explaining why. He’s done this before. They haven’t spoken but have communicated by e-mail.
I do my best to support my friend, but I have recently come across something very disturbing. Browsing through personal ads on the Net, I came across an ad that he placed. At the same time, he was telling her in e-mails that he still loves her, without mentioning that he wants to see others or when he is coming back. My question is, should I show her this ad?
Don’t Want To Be A Butinsky, But
Dear Don’t Want To Be A Butinsky, But: If your friend was married to this loser, it would be a much more difficult decision. But she isn’t. Show her the ad and let her know what a low-life she’s dealing with. She deserves to know. I’d want to know, wouldn’t you?
Dear Cheryl: Is it really possible to be friends with an ex-spouse? What about with the ex-spouse’s significant other?
— Just Wondering
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Dear Just Wondering: I’ve got a question for you: Why would you (or anyone) want to be friends with an ex-spouse? If there are children involved, then by all means work out a cordial, respectful relationship that will include the ex-spouse’s new spouse or significant other. But if there are no children? Fuggedabadit!
There are plenty of people in the world to be friends with; an ex-spouse isn’t one of them. Move on. There are bound to be some feelings on one side or the other, either positive or negative, that are better left unexplored since you’ve taken the permanent step of getting divorced. And your future significant other or spouse is bound to have some problems with the friendship. Now, if you’re trying to get back with your ex, that’s another story.
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Got a problem? Send it to Cheryl Lavin, Tales from the Front, baiduhai, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611, or e-mail [email protected]. All names are changed. Letters cannot be considered without name, address and day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part for any purpose and become the property of the column.