Dear Ann Landers: I am a 47-year-old widower with two grown children. My wife and I were married for 23 years. While the marriage was less than perfect, I stayed with it for the sake of my children and am glad I did.
Two years after my wife died, I fell in love with another person. This “other person” happens to be a man. I have known for many years that I am attracted to members of my own sex, but chose to suppress it for the sake of my family. Now that my wife is gone and my children are on their own, I would like to pursue a relationship with “Doug.” The problem is, my children are having a hard time accepting my new life.
Am I obligated to protect my children’s image of me, or do I owe it to myself to find the happiness I have been missing? I am actually looking forward to coming out of the closet. Doug makes me happy, and we want a committed relationship together. Please, Ann, tell me what you think about this.
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— The Man from Oklahoma
Dear Oklahoma Man: Your children are on their own now, and you are entitled to have a loving relationship. If you feel ready to come out of the closet, I say go for it. When your children see how happy you are, I’m sure they will come around. Good luck.
Dear Ann Landers: I would like to respond to “Concerned Aunt,” whose young niece is grossly overweight. Her parents keep junk food in the house and pay no attention to what she eats. I hope she will show this letter to the girl’s parents.
I, too, was an overweight child. I never learned proper eating habits, and they did not magically appear out of the blue. I did not “outgrow” being overweight. The only things I outgrew were my clothes. Here’s what my life was like because of my weight: I was the last person chosen for class projects and gym teams. I never was invited to sit with the popular kids at lunch. When I entered high school, no boy asked me out, and I spent the night of my senior prom crying in my bedroom. I never learned proper social skills or dating skills. I developed self-esteem issues that have lasted my entire life. I am now 33 years old and alone.
I am trying to control my weight, but it is more difficult at my age than it would have been when I was younger. Parents who encourage their obese children to eat whatever they want without teaching them what is healthy are condemning them to a lifetime of misery.
— Unmarried, Overweight and Lonely
Dear Friend: I hope those parents see your letter and realize what they are doing to their daughter. I received a ton of mail from readers outraged by the parents’ attitude, calling them abusive and saying they should be reported to the authorities. Here’s one more on the subject:
Dear Ann Landers: Thank you for telling “Concerned Aunt” to involve her niece in an exercise program. My mother put me on a starvation diet at the age of 10. That instigated 15 years of massive fights over food, yo-yo dieting, a messed-up metabolism and a permanent confusion between food and reward.
There are many positive things my parents could have done for me, including family activities like bike-riding or skating. They could have given me information about nutrition and let me learn what my body needs. They could have offered me healthy choices at mealtimes. Instead, I am . . .
— Still Suffering in Michigan
Dear Michigan: If you are “still suffering,” ask your doctor to recommend a nutritionist at once. Your letter was a cry for help. Get it.
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