Dear Ann Landers: Last week, while cleaning my 19-year-old daughter’s bedroom, I came across material that made me think she has had an abortion. I was devastated. I believe in a woman’s right to choose, but this was my grandchild, Ann. I am grieving for the loss and have been unable to talk to my daughter about it.
I wish she had come to me when she learned she was pregnant, but there is nothing I can do about it now. Should I bring up the subject? I am so sad, I cannot get over it. Please tell me what to do.
— Mom in Iowa
Dear Mom: You may be mistaken about your daughter’s pregnancy. Finding material in her bedroom indicates research, nothing more. You owe it to her to find out the truth before you make assumptions.
Talk to her with an open heart, and let her know how you feel. If it turns out she did indeed have an abortion, you can be sure she did not come to that decision easily. She is probably hurting, too, and wants desperately to confide in her mother. You can both benefit from comforting each other and moving forward. Please try.
Dear Ann Landers: I am a 15-year-old girl. When my sister and I were born, my parents set up college accounts with our parents named as trustees. My parents divorced seven years ago, and my mother discovered that Dad had gone into those accounts and withdrawn half the balances. He opened new savings accounts for my sister and me, listing himself as the sole trustee.
My sister recently discovered that her account has no money in it. When I asked Dad to see my balance statement, he was evasive and said I was “too young to understand.” He would not let me withdraw any money from the account. I’m pretty sure he has spent all of it. My mother cannot possibly afford to pay for all our college expenses. How can I approach Dad about what’s going on without hurting his feelings? Is there any way I can get the money back?
— Loving Daughter in North Carolina
Dear Daughter: Don’t be so worried about hurting Dad’s feelings. He should be honest with you about the money so you can prepare for your future.
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If the funds are gone, there is no way you can get them back. Ask your father point-blank if there is money left in the account and how much. Tell him you need to know so you can start saving for college as soon as possible. Meanwhile, be prepared to check out student loans and scholarships at state universities. Lack of money is no reason to miss out on a college education.
Dear Ann Landers: You recently printed some wonderful safety tips for single women living alone. One of them, however, bothered me a lot. The writer said to keep the door locked, and use the peephole or a chain on the door to check out visitors. Please tell your readers that chains will not protect them.
I am 5 feet 4 inches tall and weigh 95 pounds. During an emergency, I had to break into my own apartment through the back door. The chain was still attached, and I managed to rip it out of the wall with barely any effort. A reasonably strong person would have no trouble forcing his way through that door.
Chains give the illusion of safety, but provide very little. Tell folks to keep the door shut and use the peephole. Period.
— Careful in Quebec
Dear Quebec: Chains are not always sturdy enough to prevent intruders from entering. Sliding bolts work better, but they also are no guarantee. A peephole is the safest way to check who is at your door. If you cannot make out the visitor’s identity, ask the person to stand where he or she can be seen. If the visitor refuses, do not open the door.
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To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.