Dear Ann Landers: My 15-year-old daughter was molested over a period of years when she was a very young child. As soon as we found out, my husband and I put her into therapy, but she never completed her sessions. The man who molested her (a great-uncle) has since died. The counselor has retired.
My daughter has no memory of the molestation, but she does recall the counseling sessions. Recently, she asked me why she had to have therapy. I told her we were worried about some anxious behaviors she was exhibiting, such as excessive nail-biting and hair-pulling, which is true. She accepted my explanation without question.
My daughter is a happy, well-adjusted child. Should I tell her the truth about the molestation? — Concerned Mom in Iowa
Dear Mom: The point of therapy is to help a person become happy and well-adjusted. Since your daughter is already at that point, I see no reason to bring up something that might upset her needlessly. Apparently, the therapy sessions were successful. If your daughter should demand more specific answers, by all means, tell her the truth. Meanwhile, don’t ask for trouble. Leave it alone.
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Dear Ann Landers: I know you’ve heard this story before, but I hope you will help me anyway. I have been seeing a married man for two years. “Dennis” has been separated from his wife during this time, and they have a 5-year-old son.
I am annoyed by all the restrictions Dennis puts on our relationship. He won’t tell his parents about me, and I am not welcome at family gatherings. If we are together and his mother calls, he moves to another room so she won’t accidentally hear me in the background. He doesn’t even carry a picture of me in his wallet. He says if his wife learned about my existence, she would cut off access to his son.
Last week, I thought I was pregnant, and Dennis was furious. He said under no circumstances did he want me to have a child right now. Fortunately, I was mistaken about the pregnancy.
I love Dennis with all my heart, but I am almost 30 years old and want to settle down. Should I issue an ultimatum and insist that he get a divorce? — Still Waiting in Arkansas
Dear Arkansas: You are dating a married man, for heaven’s sake. Why would you expect to be welcomed into his family with open arms?
No matter what Dennis tells you, it is possible he is still living with his wife. Even if he is legally separated, he obviously wants your presence to be kept secret.
If you want to be treated like a girlfriend, you ought to date someone who is available. When Dennis is ready to move on, he will get a divorce. Until then, consider him off-limits.
Dear Ann Landers: I just found out that my maternal great-grandfather was descended from a long line of Welsh kings. We have lots of royalty on my mother’s side, plus knights too numerous to count.
I have told my husband it’s possible I’m a Welsh princess, but he insists I can’t be of royal blood because the bloodline is too old. Please settle this for us, Ann. — Her Highness in Louisiana
Dear Madame: Royal bloodlines never become “too old.” Either you are related, or you aren’t. However, there have not been any Welsh kings in quite a while, and it is unlikely you would be entitled to a throne anywhere.
A professional genealogist may be able to clarify the situation. In the meantime, I hope your husband is treating you like a princess.
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