Dear Ann Landers: Seven years ago, I was briefly engaged to “Louise.” I had dated her through high school and college. The engagement lasted two months before I broke it off. I knew Louise was not the right girl for me and thought it was better to end it instead of lead her on. Louise was hurt and turned to my family for comfort. My parents always liked her and were quite upset about the breakup.
Louise always spent a great deal of time with my family, including holidays. She helped my sister find a job, and eventually, they became close friends. When my older brother came to visit, he enjoyed spending time with my sister and Louise. One thing led to another, and now, my brother and Louise are engaged.
This is terribly upsetting to me. I do not want Louise in my life, but my parents are pressuring me to accept the situation. Frankly, I think the whole thing is weird and that Louise has an unhealthy attachment to my family. What should I do?
— No Southern Comfort
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Dear No Southern Comfort: While I do not recommend that ex-girlfriends remain in the family, there is not much you can do about it. I suspect your brother has many of the same qualities that attracted Louise to you all those years ago. You should not assume she has ulterior motives.
Please make every effort to welcome Louise into the family as your new sister-in-law. It has been seven years since your engagement, and a lot has changed. Seeing her on holidays and occasional family gatherings should not be too great a burden. Give her the benefit of the doubt for your brother’s sake.
Dear Ann Landers: The other day, I heard a mother telling her young teenage daughter, “These are the best years of your life!” Please, Ann, tell your young readers that for most kids, the teenage years are not the best of their lives. Those years are often painful and confusing. Any teenager who thinks this time is the best life is ever going to get may give up.
High school is not a preview of life. As you mature, a lot of things fall into place, and your priorities change. Your peers change too. Many teenagers seriously consider suicide, thinking their world will never improve. Please tell them it gets better. It really does.
— Been There, Know Better Now
Dear Been There: Thank you for reassuring my teenage readers that high school is only a temporary pit stop in their lives. Too many unhappy people, at any age, think life will stay that way forever. This is not true. Trust me.
Dear Ann Landers: You recently printed a letter about “Garth,” who had no interest in sex. Please be aware there may be a physical problem.
Soon after I married, my husband became irritable and withdrawn. He lost all desire for intimacy. I wondered if he was having an affair or if he was homosexual. We tried counseling, but nothing helped.
After 10 years, his doctor discovered a pituitary tumor that had been causing a hormonal imbalance. These tumors are not uncommon in women, but they are rare in men. His previous doctor missed it entirely. By the time it was found, it had grown so large that it ruptured, and my husband nearly died.
My husband now takes synthetic hormones to replace his pituitary gland. The experience changed our lives forever. Please warn your readers.
— Charleston, S.C.
Dear Charleston: Consider them warned. Anyone experiencing an unexplained lack of sexual desire should have a complete physical and be sure to ask the doctor to check the pituitary gland.
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