Dear Ann Landers: A few months ago, you printed a letter from a veterinarian who questioned putting a dog to sleep. You replied that when a dog was deaf, arthritic, missing all his teeth and urinating all over the house, it wasn’t enjoying life and would appreciate being put out of its misery.
I have a 95-year-old mother who is residing (I can’t call it “living”) in a nursing home. Mom is deaf, almost blind, arthritic, missing most of her teeth, incontinent and also in constant pain. Every day she asks me, “Why am I still here? Why don’t I die?” She has pleaded with me to “do something” to put her out of her misery. She is old, sick and tired of living.
Our society helps animals find death with dignity, but not humans. How many elderly, sick, tired old people are “living” when they, too, want to be put out of their misery? These people are emotional, physical and financial drains on family members, and they don’t want to be alive anymore. Why can’t we help them?
— Devoted Daughter in Pennsylvania
Dear Devoted Daughter: I believe that terminally ill people should have the option of dying with dignity and not have extraordinary life-saving measures taken to keep them alive. However, euthanasia is not quite the same. It is fraught with legal and ethical implications, and the debate is likely to go on for decades.
Dear Ann Landers: I recently returned from military service in Afghanistan, and since then, my life has been a mess. The problem is my mother-in-law.
I have been married to “Diane” for a year. When I went overseas, she moved in with her mother, who lives in another state. She refuses to move back. Diane’s mom has mental-health problems, which the family acknowledges but doesn’t address. The woman behaves inappropriately and dislikes me intensely.
Now that I have returned, I would like to reconcile with my wife, but it seems impossible. I call Diane every night, but her mother refuses to let me talk to her. How can I make our marriage work if my mother-in-law refuses to butt out? Any suggestions?
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— Texas Tom
Dear Tom: The problem is not your mother-in-law, it’s your wife. Why is she still living in another state? I suggest you pay a visit to Diane in person and ask her to go with you for marriage counseling. If she is serious about salvaging your marriage, she will be willing to do this. If not, seek counseling on your own, and decide what is best for you. I wish you luck. You’ll need it.
Dear Ann Landers: My wedding anniversary is coming up next month, and as a gift, my father gave me two tickets to the opera in downtown Manhattan. I thought it would make a lovely weekend to take my wife to a nice hotel for dinner and dancing and stay overnight. We could then attend the opera the next day.
When I announced my plans to my wife, she became upset. She said she hates the opera and has no intention of going. I do not understand her attitude. I love the opera, and since I am making an entire weekend of fun for my wife, I don’t think it is a big deal for her to endure a two-hour performance of Bizet’s “Carmen.” Part of the problem is she doesn’t like my father and refuses to accept this gift graciously. Is it wrong for me to expect her to meet me halfway? What should I do?
— New York Blues
Dear N.Y.: It’s too bad your wife isn’t willing to try the opera. “Carmen” is one of the classics, and she would probably enjoy it. If she is adamant, make other plans for your anniversary, and ask a friend to accompany you to the opera. This isn’t worth World War III.
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To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.