Dear Ann Landers: A close friend of mine, “Joe,” just found out that his girlfriend, “Susie,” is pregnant. She says she forgot to take several of her birth-control pills and failed to tell him about it. Susie has been pushing Joe to move the relationship to another level, which he was unwilling to do. I think she is using this pregnancy to trap him into marriage. I don’t want Joe to feel obligated to marry this girl simply because she got herself pregnant, but he wants to do the right thing. What do you say, Ann?
— His Buddy in Oklahoma
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Dear Buddy: Got herself pregnant? My recollection is it takes two. If Joe didn’t want a child, he should have taken the necessary precautions and not relied solely on his girlfriend.
Whether or not Susie did this on purpose, Joe must live up to his new responsibilities. This does not have to include marriage. However, if Susie decides to keep this child, it does mean paying financial support and being the best father he can be. Be a real friend to Joe. Encourage him to discuss the situation with Susie and do the right thing.
Dear Ann Landers: The letter from “A Lost Father” was so heartbreaking, I had to write. His 12-year-old son had been accidentally shot by the man’s 17-year-old nephew. My beautiful son was also killed as a result of someone else’s stupidity and carelessness. That was 20 years ago. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. He was 25 years old, kind, compassionate and a wonderful human being.
You were right to tell that man to get counseling, otherwise, his hatred will eat him alive. I didn’t want counseling, either, but I discovered it did help. I learned how to recover from my loss inch by inch. Over time, I replaced my anger with loving memories of my son, and I have managed to find peace. I hope that father will do the same.
— Still Grieving in California
Dear California: I pray that angry, grieving father reads your letter and gets the help he needs. The advice of someone who has “been there” carries more weight than anything I could say. Bless you for caring enough to write.
Dear Ann Landers: This is in response to “Partner’s Wife in Florida.” She said her husband and his partner had hired a young, attractive secretary to work for them. The partner’s wife was convinced the girl was flirting with her husband, so she wanted to harass her, hoping she would quit. You were right to tell her such a plan could backfire.
When I was 23, I began working for a small company and was the personal secretary to one of the men. We worked very closely together. He was a married man, but his wife was wonderful to me. She made sure her husband remembered my birthday and Secretary’s Day. When she dropped by the office (often unannounced), she always made an effort to ask how my day was and how my family was doing. When she called the office, she never forgot to say hello, and when there was time, she would stay on the line and have a pleasant chat with me. I never had any interest in sleeping with my boss, but let me tell you, if I were at all inclined in that direction, it would have been impossible. His wife was such a sweetheart, I would not have betrayed her for a million bucks.
— Long Island Lu
Dear Lu: You’ve made an excellent point. A wife who befriends her husband’s female co-workers is smart. While it may not eliminate cheating, it certainly will make it a lot more difficult.
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Is life passing you by? Want to improve your social skills? Write for Ann Landers’ booklet “How to Make Friends and Stop Being Lonely.” Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $4.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Friends, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562. (In Canada, send $5.15.) To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.