Dear Ann Landers: I dated “Quentin” for two years, but we had some major fights, and he asked me to move out. I was devastated and thought our relationship was over. Fortunately, we worked things out and are now back together.
Here’s the problem: While we were separated, I slept with my ex-husband in a moment of weakness. When Quentin and I made up, my ex called and told him about our indiscretion. I was worried that Quentin would break up with me again, so I denied everything and told Quentin my ex made up the story because he was jealous. Quentin believed me.
I love Quentin with all my heart, and we are planning to get married soon. The problem is, I feel guilty that I lied to him. I know if he ever found out the truth, he would leave me. Please tell me what to do.
— Need Help in Nevada
Dear Nevada: You and Quentin were not dating when you slept with your ex-husband. I have always considered it a mistake for couples to confess the details of previous relationships. You do not owe anyone this information.
However, lying is a serious breach of trust. If there is a possibility Quentin will find out the truth, you must tell him and accept the consequences. If he truly loves you, he will understand how vulnerable you were and forgive you.
Dear Ann Landers: I just came from the funeral of my teenage niece, who died needlessly after a traffic accident. Why needlessly? Because she wasn’t wearing her seatbelt. Upon impact, she was ejected from the car, suffered head trauma and brain damage, went into a coma and died.
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Please remind your readers, especially teenagers, that wearing a seatbelt is an absolute must. I would like to recommend that all parents ask their teens the questions that would need to be answered if the child is left brain-damaged and in a coma.
Ask if they want to be kept artificially alive with no chance of recovery. Ask if they want a clergyperson to come to the hospital. Ask if they want to be cremated or buried. Ask if they want to donate their organs for transplant. Ask how they feel about organ donation for medical research.
Or, they can wear a seatbelt.
— Sad Aunt in Los Angeles
Dear Aunt: Thank you for a sobering letter. Too many drivers believe wearing a seatbelt is too confining or not “cool.” They are sadly mistaken. Caring about your safety is a sign of maturity. So buckle up.
Dear Ann Landers: I read the letter about the niece who sent holiday cards with confetti inside. Let me tell you, it is not funny.
On my last birthday, my niece took me to lunch and handed me a card. I was rushing to a doctor’s appointment and did not have time to open it. When I arrived at my doctor’s elegant office, I sat on his velvet sofa and opened the card. Out popped tiny foil stars, which showered the couch, carpet, coffee table and the patient sitting next to me. I tried to pick up the confetti with my fingers, but it was useless. The office staff had to call in the cleaning crew, and they vacuumed up the mess. I was mortified.
The next day, my niece called, giggling, to ask if I was surprised by her card. She thought it was hilarious. I had to change physicians. I could not show my face in that office again.
— Embarrassed in Albuquerque, N.M.
Dear N.M.: Changing physicians was an extreme response. It was a childish stunt, but nobody died. Please forgive your niece. I’m sure she intended no harm.