Dear Ann Landers: I am a happily married 50-year-old man and the father of three children. I run a respected business and also teach Sunday school. Ever since I was 12 years old, I have been a cross-dresser. I enjoy wearing women’s lingerie in the privacy of my locked bedroom. I am not gay, and I have no desire whatsoever to have a sex-change operation. I recently sought counseling for job-related stress and admitted my cross-dressing desires. The therapist said it is not uncommon and as long as I was discreet and my wife did not object, there was no problem. I encouraged my wife to seek counseling also, to help put her mind at ease. Her therapist said, “Does your husband realize he will be held accountable for such disgusting behavior?”
I cannot believe a therapist would make such a damaging statement to a patient. My wife is now confused about my sexual orientation and believes my cross-dressing is going to cause problems in our marriage. What can I say to my wife’s therapist to help fix this mess?
— Perfectly Sane in Arkansas
Dear Arkansas: Not all therapists are competent, and some have built-in prejudices. Most cross-dressers are harmless, and many are happily married to women who accept their behavior. Your wife should find another therapist immediately — preferably one who is better educated on the subject.
Dear Ann Landers: I am a 35-year-old single mother and have finally met Mr. Right. We have been dating for a year and are now living together. He is everything I dreamed a man would be, and he loves me.
The problem is, when I met Mr. Right, I was wearing blue contact lenses, even though my natural eye color is brown. He constantly tells me how beautiful my eyes are, and I can’t work up the nerve to tell him the truth. I’m looking to you for guidance. Please tell me what to do.
— Colorblind in the U.S.A.
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Dear Colorblind: The next time you remove your contacts, let him see your eyes. It’s possible that what he admires is not the color, but the shape and expressiveness. If he is a mature person and loves you as much as you say, he will get over this momentary surprise, and the color of your eyes will make no difference to him.
Dear Ann Landers: I work part time with a woman who is a constant complainer. She frequently complains about “sinus infections” and headaches. I enjoy using body lotion and perfume, but am careful not to overdo it. Every time she sees me, she says, “Your strong perfume is giving me a headache. Please don’t come into my office today.”
This woman is my supervisor, Ann, but does that give her the right to dictate whether or not I can wear perfume? Should I tell her off?
— Smelling Swell in Michigan
Dear Michigan: If this woman notices your scent every time you enter her office, you are wearing too much. It may seem subtle to you, but obviously, it is a problem for her.
Many people are sensitive or allergic to perfumes. This can cause headaches, throat irritations and breathing difficulties. It is not possible for you to determine what someone else can tolerate. Since your work environment is one you share with others, I urge you to stop wearing scents at the office. Save the perfumes and body lotions for special occasions.
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An alcohol problem? How can you help yourself or someone you love? “Alcoholism: How to Recognize It, How to Deal With It, How to Conquer It” will give you the answers. Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Alcohol, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562. (In Canada, send $4.55.) To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.