Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I moved into a new house two years ago. Our next-door neighbor, “Olivia,” is an incredible gardener.
When I began working in my yard last summer, Olivia came over and volunteered to help. We quickly became friends. When my husband and I were out of town, she offered to water our grass and tend the garden in our absence.
Somehow, this kind deed has gotten completely out of hand. After our last vacation, we noticed our water bill was extremely high. My husband discovered Olivia was not only watering our grass, but hers as well. She often used our hose while we were at work and would leave the water on for hours. Our lawn would be flooded when we came home.
Two months ago, I found out Olivia had repotted one of my plants, changed the location of two others and removed a flowering bush I was rather fond of. My husband finally asked her to leave our yard alone. Olivia left a huffy message on our answering machine the next day, saying she would never bother us again. The following morning, I discovered her garbage cans in my driveway and a load of mud on our front steps. We have not spoken since.
Gardening season is here again, and I am afraid to go into my yard. I’d like to make peace with Olivia, but don’t know how. Please help.
— The Bloom is Off
Dear Bloom: Olivia sounds a bit wacky, and if she is dumping mud on your front steps, she could be dangerous as well. Be cordial, but keep your distance. If she threatens you in any way or trespasses on your property, do not hesitate to inform the authorities.
Dear Ann Landers: I am married to a man from another country. His mother is a snob and belittles me in front of him. She says I am lazy and stupid. When I speak to her, she walks away in midsentence. She lets me know I am “beneath her.”
Since the woman visits infrequently, I can put up with her condescending attitude. It’s my husband’s reaction that bothers me. When his mother is present, he orders me around as if I am a servant. When I point this out to him, he says I am imagining things.
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His mother is due for another visit soon, and I am dreading it. How can I get my husband to shape up?
— No Doormat in Minnesota
Dear No Doormat: Your husband is intimidated by his mother, but he should not allow the old battle-axe to treat his wife so shabbily. Until he works up the nerve to defend you, Mama will continue to be rude and insulting. The next time she comes to visit, insist that he show you the proper respect, and perhaps Mama will learn to do so as well.
Dear Ann Landers: I am a paralegal at a large and respected law firm. I often handle real-estate closings, wills and divorces where people must come into our office and sign papers. How can I tell these clients not to bring their young children? Sometimes these signings take two hours or more, and the kids get restless and misbehave. This is important business, and the clients need to pay attention.
Please give me a polite way to insist that they leave their children at home. Thanks, Ann.
— Legal Eagle in the Midwest
Dear Legal Eagle: It is perfectly OK to inform clients that their business in your office may take several hours. Tell them children are not permitted to attend the proceedings, and ask if they need you to provide baby-sitting services. If you hire someone to watch the kids, let the client know the extra cost will be added to the bill.
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