Dear Ann Landers: I am about to marry a man who is very selfish. “Howard” does not believe in taking care of me. I do not want to work for the rest of my life. I want to stay home and raise children, and maybe do volunteer work. I had trouble paying my utility bill last month and asked Howard to take care of it for me. He did, reluctantly, and said I should never let it happen again. I was appalled at his attitude. He said providing financially for a woman was the same as spoiling her. He also told me I should not expect him to be romantic, because that simply isn’t his style.
I think I deserve someone who will spoil me. If Howard truly loved me, shouldn’t he be willing to put the necessary energy into doing romantic things for me? I don’t want to make a mistake with this relationship, Ann. Please tell me if I should marry Howard or not.
— Cinderella in Virginia
Dear Cinderella: Don’t marry Howard. You two are not compatible. Howard doesn’t sound like Mr. Wonderful, but he has been honest and upfront about his shortcomings. Believe me, he is not likely to change. Also, you might want to revise your expectations of having a man “spoil” you. Few men are willing to do this, nor should they have to.
Frankly, dear, you don’t sound mature enough to be married. Please take my advice, or you’ll be writing again in a few years, telling me how miserable you are.
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Dear Ann Landers: Income tax time will be here soon, and I hope you will print this to help your readers, as well as the accountants in your audience.
1. The IRS can give you a refund in as little as five business days by direct deposit. Be sure to use electronic filing if you can. It costs only a phone call.
2. Just because your friend took a certain deduction does not mean you can.
3. Don’t ask your accountant to enter false information. You are both responsible for what goes into your tax returns.
4. Add up your receipts for gas or tolls before bringing them to your accountant. Otherwise, you are paying him by the hour to do it for you.
5. If you have sold securities, bring both the buy and sell orders.
6. Direct deposit of refunds is a wonderful benefit. Don’t be afraid to give the IRS your bank account number.
7. Have the Social Security numbers for your children and dependents on hand. If the numbers are not listed, the IRS will disallow them.
8. Don’t let your accountant or tax preparer talk you into using the short form if you need the long form.
9. Choose an accountant or tax preparer who is in business year-round. That guarantees he or she will not disappear at the end of April.
10. Make sure the accountant or preparer signs the return and your copy with his name, address and Social Security number or preparer identification number. It is required by both the IRS and your state. He is responsible for the return, and if there are major errors, you will want to know where to find him.
Thanks, Ann.
— Accountant in New York
Dear New York: I appreciate your taking the time to give my readers some advice on the finer points of filing income tax returns. I hope they pay attention.
Gem of the Day: Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of range before it’s understood.
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Is alcohol ruining your life or the life of a loved one? “Alcoholism: How to Recognize It, How to Deal With It, How to Conquer It” can turn things around. Send a long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Alcohol, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562. (In Canada, send $4.55.)