Dear Ann Landers: I have a wonderful 10-year-old niece who is 5 feet tall and weighs almost 200 pounds. Her parents are so worried about her “self-esteem” that they refuse to put her on a diet or monitor what she eats. If my niece decides to make chocolate chip cookies with butter, they say, “Go ahead,” because they don’t want to upset her.
The girl eats too much junk food, “regular” portions are double-sized, and she consumes too many soft drinks. Her parents never say a word. When she visits me, I provide her with fruit to snack on, and I insist that she drink water. I tell her it’s to keep her skin and hair beautiful. Her parents tell me I am cruel and coldhearted.
I am worried that this girl will have terrible problems when she reaches high school. Her parents are thin, but they keep all kinds of candy and junk food in their home. They say it is too much trouble to watch her all the time and a great inconvenience to change their eating habits just because their daughter has a weight problem. They insist she will outgrow it. Is there anything I can do to help my niece and make her parents understand how serious this is?
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— Concerned Aunt in California
Dear Concerned Aunt: These parents are doing a grave disservice to their daughter by not teaching her healthy eating habits. Obese children have a hard time shedding the excess weight as they get older. They do not “outgrow it.” However, you are not the girl’s mother, and you have no say in the matter. If you can persuade the parents to discuss her size with a pediatrician, it may help. You can also encourage your niece to get involved in sports. Teach her to play tennis, or invite her to accompany you while you jog. No matter how thin or heavy, exercise is important for building strong bones and maintaining good health.
Dear Ann Landers: I would like to offer my two cents’ worth to “Need Advice,” whose husband hasn’t been interested in sex for 12 years. He told her to find someone else to satisfy her sexual needs and leave him alone. However, “Need Advice” considers her marriage vows to be sacred and does not want to cheat. My wife made a similar announcement four years ago. She gave no reason for her lack of desire and had no interest in resolving the problem. I had two young children at home and did not want to break up my marriage.
My youngest son is now 16, and I have decided to accept my wife’s offer to find someone else to satisfy my needs. I am sure a discreet, intimate and loving relationship with another woman will do wonders for me and may even improve my family situation, which is stressful and unhappy. As soon as our son leaves home, I will get a divorce. Please tell “Need Advice” to consider this alternative.
— Fresno, Calif.
Dear Fresno: While I cannot condone cheating in a marriage, I understand why you are thinking about taking that road. You say your wife has no interest in resolving the problem. I do hope you will look into counseling for your own peace of mind. It could be a great help.
Dear Ann Landers: I have another solution for “Computer Widow in Vermont.” I, too, live with a computer geek. In order for us to spend more time together, we put the computer in our bedroom. While he is pecking away, I am reading a book or watching TV. Since we are in the same room, we share conversations and kisses while doing our own thing.
— Washington, D.C., Dolly
Dear Dolly: Congratulations on finding a solution that works for you. If other readers want to try it, good luck.
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