Dear Ann Landers: I just read the letter from “Need Advice in Montreal.” She has been in a loveless marriage for 12 years, gained 100 pounds, and her children have threatened to live with their father if she divorces him. You said, “Can you possibly stick it out until the youngest child is 18?” That is too much to ask, Ann. This woman is living in a house of tyrants. Her husband is cold and controlling, and her children are blackmailing her. I know some experts say parents should stay together for the children’s sake, but in another six years, this woman’s health will be completely ruined. It’s not worth it. It is perfectly normal for kids to be angry when parents divorce, but they will grow up someday and hopefully be more understanding. If they want to live with Dad, let them. They will see it isn’t so wonderful.
You were right to tell her to get counseling, and I hope she listens. Maybe a counselor will persuade her to leave this miserable situation.
— Free in Washington State
Dear Free: Many readers agreed with you, saying the woman’s health would not tolerate another six years in that situation. You may be right, but I am reluctant to tell anyone to get a divorce when there are young children involved. I recommended further counseling and hope she follows through.
Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I have been married 40 years, and we are very happy. Lately, however, I have been dreaming that my husband is leaving me for another woman (it’s always the same woman).
In my dream, they are laughing at me. I wake up crying, hurt and angry with my husband. It takes hours to get over it. Are my dreams telling me something, or should I ignore them?
— Sleeping Beauty in Colorado
Dear Sleeping Beauty: Dreams can be tricky. Sometimes they bring out concerns you have in real life. Other times, they are fantasies brought about by suppressed desires or lingering insecurities.
Has your husband given you any reason to doubt his faithfulness? If not, stop relying on your dreams to tell you what is going on. His behavior when you are awake is what counts.
Dear Ann Landers: I am getting married in two months. My sister, “Janet,” and her husband will be in the bridal party. The problem is Janet’s 2-year-old son. She insists on bringing him to the wedding. I am convinced if the boy sees Janet walking down the aisle, he will start crying and run to her.
I told Janet to bring her son to the reception, but to please leave him with a sitter for the ceremony. She became irate and threatened to boycott the wedding altogether if her son were not included.
When my mother agreed with me, Janet said she would never speak to either of us again. Now my mother is crying on my shoulder, begging me to reconsider. She believes Janet will make good on her threat and the resulting rift will break up our family.
I certainly do not want to be the cause of a major feud, but I don’t want my nephew ruining the ceremony. What should I do?
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— Miserable Groom in Virginia
Dear Groom: Two-year-olds do not belong at a wedding, and Janet is behaving like a spoiled brat. That said, however, try to compromise for your mother’s sake. Ask Janet if the boy can watch the ceremony from outside the main room while you provide a sitter or reliable relative to keep an eye on him. If he cries, the sitter can take him to another area until the ceremony is over.
Unless she wants him clinging to her skirts as she walks down the aisle, she should not object.
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To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.