Dear Ann Landers: Two years ago, my husband, “Rick,” and I moved out of state. I began my new job immediately, so Rick stayed behind to arrange the sale of our home. During this time, a single female friend offered to help Rick paint and clean our house. She also invited him over for lunch and dinner, and told him he could stay overnight at her apartment any time. He apparently took her up on the offer. I found out because several friends called and said his car was parked in her driveway.
I confronted Rick about this when he came home. He admitted he spent the night at her place, but insisted nothing happened. I believe him. The problem is, Rick has to go back there next month to retrieve some items we left behind. This woman has again offered to let Rick eat meals at her apartment and sleep over.
I told him I don’t want him spending the night at her place. I reminded him we have relatives not far away and there are plenty of motels nearby. Rick became indignant and said I should trust him. I do trust him, but I think the situation could easily get out of hand. Please tell me how to handle this. — Worried in Virginia
Dear Worried: Rick should not be sleeping over at another woman’s apartment. While you may trust him, it is obvious that you do not trust her. Also, his attitude about sleeping elsewhere indicates he may like this arrangement more than he is willing to admit. Tell Rick you trust him, but you would feel more secure if he stayed elsewhere. If he respects your feelings, he will abide by your wishes.
Dear Ann Landers: I am a 21-year-old college student. I live in a large apartment with five other girls, and we get along fine. The problem is, my roommates like to drink and smoke pot almost every night. This is not my idea of a good time, but I feel pressured to join them. They never want to do things I enjoy, like watching movies or taking walks around the neighborhood. It is nearly impossible for me to get any schoolwork done because they often have friends over. The music is constantly blasting, and people are stumbling in drunk most of the evening. Is there any way I can get some peace and quiet? — College Student in Massachusetts
Dear College Student: The only way to find peace and quiet is to look for another apartment. You will never get five pot-smoking, semi-drunk roommates to change their ways because it’s uncomfortable for you. Believe it or not, there are plenty of other college students who prefer roommates who neither smoke nor drink. Start looking.
Dear Ann Landers: I am a single mother. Last week, my daughter celebrated her 5th birthday. As a gift, my sister brought over a goldfish in a small bowl. This did not make me happy. After all, my daughter is too young to care for a fish, which means I am the one who will have to feed it, clean the bowl and make sure my cat doesn’t knock it over.
I told my sister I did not want the fish, and she promptly took it home. Naturally, she is quite angry with me. I think she was out of line and should have asked me before bringing over any kind of pet, including a goldfish. What do you say? — Nothing Fishy in Boston
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Dear Boston: It’s too bad your sister did not consider the choice of her gift more carefully. Nevertheless, you should have accepted it graciously. You could then have given the fish to someone who would take care of it. You owe Sis an apology.
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An alcohol problem? How can you help yourself or someone you love? “Alcoholism: How to Recognize It, How to Deal With It, How to Conquer It” will give you the answers. Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Alcohol, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562. (In Canada, send $4.55.) To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.