Dear Ann Landers: Last year, I was involved in an automobile accident that took the life of a respected man in our community. I use the word “accident,” but the truth is, I was drunk. I am currently serving 18 months in prison and have lost my driver’s license for the next 10 years.
You cannot imagine how depressed I am about what I did. I apologized to the man’s family in court, and they were gracious about it, but I do not feel it is enough. They are kind and forgiving people, which only makes me feel worse. The man I killed must have been quite special.
Please, Ann, tell me what I can do to make amends for the misery I have caused. — Still Serving Time on the East Coast
Dear Serving Time: There are several things you can do to ease your guilt. First, get acquainted with Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Many prisons provide drug and alcohol treatment for inmates. You cannot make amends unless you stop drinking.
Next, look into ways to volunteer your time when you are released. Perhaps you can speak to high school students about the dangers of drinking and driving. Call your local chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, and ask for other avenues of service. There are many opportunities to get involved.
While you can never make up for the life you took, you can help ensure that other lives may be saved through your willingness to make amends.
I commend you for wanting to do the right thing. I hope others who drive drunk will read this a second time.
Dear Ann Landers: I am planning to marry “Larry,” the man of my dreams, in six months. We have both been married before, and I have a son by my previous marriage. This morning, Larry and I were discussing whether or not I should change my name when we marry.
I told Larry I do not want to do this for several reasons. I have built a solid career using my current name. Also, I believe it would be easier for my son if I had the same last name he does. What’s worse, my first name is “Lily,” and that is also the name of Larry’s ex-wife. Naturally, she still uses his last name. I told Larry I want to keep my current surname, but he does not want me using my ex-husband’s name for any reason. I offered to hyphenate the names, but Larry doesn’t like that solution, either. He has even offered to adopt my son so we would all have Larry’s last name.
Ann, even if my ex-husband were to agree to the adoption (which I doubt), I do not want to lose my professional identity, nor do I want to be confused with Larry’s first wife. How can I get him to be reasonable about this? — Loyal in Pennsylvania
Dear Loyal: Inform Larry that you will use his last name in social situations, but professionally, you prefer to use your current surname or a hyphenated form.
This is not his decision to make. It is yours.
Confidential to My Readers: Several of you wrote in to express your concern about “Loving Mother in Venezuela.” She said her child’s blood type is A-negative, while both parents are B-positive. You said, “There is no way two type-B parents could have a type-A child. Either that baby is not her husband’s, or the doctor made a terrible mistake.”
The truth is, there was a typographical error in the column. It should have said the child was type O. Feel better? I hope so.
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When planning a wedding, who pays for what? Who stands where? “The Ann Landers Guide for Brides” has all the answers. Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Brides, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562. (In Canada, send $4.55.) To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.