Dear Ann Landers: I would like to respond to “St. Louis Wife,” whose 52-year-old husband lost his job. It is not uncommon for people who are out of work for a year or more to become depressed. May I offer some suggestions?
The out-of-work executive may need to expand his job search to include smaller companies who would appreciate his experience. He also may benefit from speaking to a professional career counselor. Many churches and synagogues now offer this support for free or at minimum cost.
The man should also offer his services on a consulting basis while he searches. It will be financially beneficial and psychologically uplifting, while helping him update his skills and make good contacts. He should network among his colleagues and let them know he is available as a consultant.
Attitude is everything in a career search. If you believe no one will hire you, no one will. The man may need to videotape himself at a mock interview in order to see how he is selling himself. His appearance may be out-of-date.
Locating employment after losing a job is very possible, even in today’s economic climate. He should not give up hope. — Emory W. Mulling, president, Association of Career Management Consulting Firms International, Washington, D.C.
Dear Emory Mulling: Thank you for your excellent comments. I received a great deal of mail on this subject. Here are a few more letters:
From New Haven, Conn.: When my husband lost his job 10 years ago, he was devastated. As time went by, he sat at home and watched TV in the basement. I wondered why he wouldn’t get a job — any job — for the family. It put a big strain on our marriage.
Three years later, when he finally found employment, he was a changed man. It was only then that I realized he had been depressed. He needed my support, but it was hard to give it when I needed it myself.
Albany, N.Y.: Please tell that man to go back to the human resources department at his last company and ask if they provide counseling and help in searching for jobs. Many unemployment offices have free, ongoing programs to help job-seekers.
Most important, he should get up every day, exercise, shower and get dressed.
Fresno, Calif.: I used to be that guy. Funny thing, the loss of my job gave me back my life. I decided to volunteer at my local school and church. They were thrilled to have someone with my experience. I saw my doctor, who prescribed an anti-depressant. I helped out at home and fell in love with my wife all over again. Then I found a job at a lower salary, since money was no longer my first priority. I sent my former employer a thank-you note for firing me and giving me a new life.
Frederick, Md.: My husband also lost his position as an executive. Every day, I went to work while he struggled to find a job that would give him the same income and title to which he was accustomed. I grew resentful and worried. He refused to take any job that wasn’t up to his prior standards. I asked him what he would do if his family was in a rowboat that had sprung a leak. Would he just sit by and let us drown? Of course not. I let him know I had complete confidence in him and loved him and would not mention it again.
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The next day, he found a job driving a limousine. He learned that he was valued by me, his friends and family for who he is, not the title after his name. He learned that all honest work has value. He learned that everyone should be treated with dignity and respect. That was 15 years ago, and not a day goes by without me telling him how much I admire him.