Dear Ann Landers: I have been married to “Jason” for 26 years, and we have two wonderful children. He has a best friend I’ll call “Mike.” Twenty years ago, Mike broke up with his longtime girlfriend, who was pregnant, although Mike didn’t know it. She later filed a paternity suit against him, but the test results were inconclusive, and the suit was dropped. Five years later, Mike married someone else and eventually adopted two beautiful little boys.
Last year, my husband received a call from “Mary,” a 19-year-old girl. She said Mike’s old girlfriend was her mother and that my husband might be her father. Jason admitted he’d had a fling with the woman years ago and it was possible he was the father. He took a DNA test, which came out negative. While both Jason and I were greatly relieved, there is still a problem: Mary looks exactly like Mike.
Obviously, this was the child originally thought to be his, but the paternity test wasn’t thorough enough to make a case. Now, with DNA testing, Mike could find out for sure if Mary is his daughter. He always wanted a biological child, and I think he deserves to know Mary could be his.
My husband is against telling him. He believes Mike’s wife will be upset by the news, even though this happened long before Mike met her. The truth is, Jason is afraid Mike will not forgive him for having an affair with his old girlfriend. Also, he knows Mike likes to talk and would spread this news of my husband’s infidelity. That doesn’t bother me much. After all, it was 20 years ago.
I don’t want to cause trouble for anyone, but I believe it would be a tragedy if Mike never knew his daughter. Please tell me what to do. — Troubled in the Midwest
Dear Troubled: If Mary is searching for her biological father, she will eventually get to Mike on her own. He then can have a DNA test done and find out the truth. It is possible, however, that despite the resemblance, Mike is not the father. Stay out of it. This is no longer your business.
Dear Ann Landers: My mother died two years ago at the age of 69. Her sister, “Louise,” is 60. Louise is not the nicest person in the world. In fact, she did some awful things to my mother through the years, and they were never close. She did not visit Mom even once during her illness, yet she played the part of the grieving sister at the funeral, carrying on as if she had been Mom’s best friend. It was a disgusting display.
Eight months after Mom died, Aunt Louise moved in on my 80-year-old father. It started out with casual dinners, but Dad recently confided that she is pressuring him for a physical relationship. Needless to say, I am not pleased about this. Don’t get me wrong, Ann. I do not begrudge my father a companion, but Aunt Louise is the wrong choice. This woman paid no attention to my parents while Mom was alive, and now that Dad is available, suddenly she wants to be his best friend. I strongly suspect she is after the money from his life insurance policy, and I am worried sick about him.
My father is, frankly, not that interested in a relationship with Aunt Louise, but he says the pressure is getting to him. I do not live in the same state as Dad, and it is difficult for me to keep an eye on things. What can I do? — Ohio Daughter
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Dear Daughter: Does your father have other friends nearby? Call them and ask if they will invite Dad out for dinner or a movie. Mention that he would like to begin dating again. Meanwhile, your father could benefit by spending time away from Aunt Louise. Encourage him to visit your family. He needs a break, and heaven knows, he deserves it.
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