Dear Ann Landers: I have been married for 12 years, but it is not a normal marriage. “Garth” has never — and I mean never — spent one night with me in the bedroom. He sleeps on the sofa in our den. We have had sex twice since our honeymoon, and nothing in the last 10 years.
Garth is very moody. When I beg him to sleep with me in our bed, he becomes angry. The few times I have suggested intimacy, he yelled at me and threatened to move out. Of course, he never does. Garth claims he loves me, but I’m not sure what that means anymore.
We are quite compatible, and I care deeply for him. I don’t know if he is gay, impotent, having affairs or just not interested. He refuses to go for counseling and insists nothing is wrong. I am petite and attractive, and have no idea why he isn’t interested in me. Do you have any advice?
— No Name, No State
Dear No Name: Why have you been willing to settle for a sexless marriage when it is obvious that you are unhappy about it? Sex is an integral part of marriage, and it is unfair that Garth expects you to do without it. Professional counseling might help you decide if this relationship is worth saving. I hope you will see a therapist immediately. If Garth will go with you, great. If not, go without him.
Dear Ann Landers: I would like to respond to “St. Louis Wife,” whose 52-year-old husband lost his job. My husband, “Ed,” was laid off when he was 59. Although he applied and followed many job leads, nothing came of them.
Ed started volunteering at one of the local elementary schools two mornings a week and discovered that he enjoyed working with children. Since he had a bachelor’s degree, he was able to be accredited as a substitute teacher. He then took additional classes so he could be certified full-time. Now, at the age of 70, Ed is in his fifth year as a master teacher and has tenure. His previous work experience as an executive has been a great asset in his current career. The staff, students and parents all respect and like him. Most important, he is happier as a teacher than he was as an executive. Please tell “St. Louis Wife” not to give up. Good things can happen when you least expect them.
— Happy Wife in California
Dear Happy Wife: I have heard from a great many readers who lost their jobs and discovered new careers in the process. It requires effort and a willingness to take risks, but the rewards can be enormous. Thank you for saying so.
Dear Ann Landers: I read the letter from “Runt in Burlington, Vt.,” who was upset when people commented on how short she was.
I am under 5 feet tall. When I was young, I had flaming red hair and freckles. I looked like a lit match. I was told my freckles were “angel kisses,” and I loved the way I looked. My husband is over 6 feet tall, and his family teases me all the time about my height. They rest their elbows on my head and lift me up to their eye level. No one is trying to hurt my feelings. Their teasing is a form of affection, and I tease them right back. I threaten to punch them in the knees.
Tell “Runt” to develop a sense of humor and accept her size. Most people mean no harm.
— Not Everything is Big in Texas
Dear Texas: I commend you for being able to see the bright side of the situation. While some teasing can be mean-spirited, you are right when you say most people mean no harm. Thanks for putting it in perspective.
———-
Lonesome? Take charge of your life and turn it around. Write for Ann Landers’ booklet “How to Make Friends and Stop Being Lonely.” Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $4.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Friends, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562. (In Canada, send $5.15.) To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
More Top Picks Lenovo Legion Pro 7i Review