Dear Ann Landers: I have two grown children: a 36-year-old son, “Mike,” and a 38-year-old daughter, “Linda.” Both of them have had problems in the past, including drug abuse. In the past two years, they formed a close relationship.
Last month, Mike and his wife invited Linda to visit for the weekend. Mike’s wife had a toothache and was taking a strong prescription painkiller. When Linda left on Monday morning, the bottle of painkiller pills was missing. Mike is certain that Linda took it.
Mike told me his wife knew ahead of time that Linda might try to steal the medicine, but she made no effort to hide the bottle. She assumed Linda would take a few pills and leave the rest. Now, she is angry that Linda stole the entire bottle. I said, if his wife was so sure Linda would take it, why did she leave it in plain view? Mike replied that Linda is a grown woman and he is not responsible for her.
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I am upset that neither one of them cared enough to remove the temptation. Mike says I am blaming him for Linda’s addiction (I am not), and he hasn’t spoken to me since. I am heartbroken that my daughter has a problem she cannot control and angry that my son put her in harm’s way. Who is right? — Flummoxed in Kansas
Dear Flummoxed: Your son was not waving the bottle in front of Linda’s nose. However, it troubles me that Mike and his wife felt it was OK for Linda to “take a few pills.” Knowing her history, it would have been a kindness if the bottle had been inaccessible.
The truth, however, is that your daughter has a serious addiction, and without professional intervention, she will not be able to overcome it. Turn this ugly situation around, and use it as an opportunity to talk to Linda about getting some help. Let’s hope she listens.
Dear Ann Landers: I am a 29-year-old woman, single and living alone. I have been stalked and almost raped, and have learned the hard way to protect myself. I would like to offer some pointers for other single women like me:
1. If you must live alone, make sure it is in a neighborhood where you feel comfortable. The rent may be cheaper elsewhere, but you may wind up paying a heavy price to save a few dollars.
2. Know where the nearest hospital and police station are located.
3. Keep your doors locked at all times. Even if you have the lights on and a friend is visiting, it doesn’t mean you are safe from intruders. If you have a chain on the door and a peephole, use them.
4. Keep your eyes and ears alert when walking in and out of your apartment or office. Watch for suspicious cars, vans or trucks near your home, especially where you park.
5. Keep your car doors locked, even when the car is moving.
6. Buy a cell phone, and keep it charged and ready for use.
7. Never let a man into your home until you have dated him several times, met his friends or relatives, and know where he works. If he is over the age of 25, ask to see his driver’s license. If he doesn’t have one, find out why.
These rules may seem unnecessary, but believe me, Ann, they could save a life. I hope you think they are worth passing along. — Single and Safe in Virginia
Dear Virginia: I do, and I thank you for providing them. Single men, while not as vulnerable, may also find them useful. The world can be a dangerous place. It pays to be vigilant.
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That first kiss, that first embrace. . . . Remember all those things that brought you and your loved one together? “How We Met,” a collection of sentimental love stories, will make a terrific gift for that special someone. For a copy, please send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $5.50 (this includes postage and handling) to: How We Met, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562 (in Canada, $6.50). To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.