Dear Ann Landers: Eighteen months ago, my 12-year-old son was shot and killed by his 17-year-old cousin while the two of them were watching television. My nephew said the gun discharged accidentally. My wife blamed me for allowing our son to spend time with my side of the family, and she divorced me. We still have a good relationship, but too much has happened for us to get back together again.
My nephew was sentenced to two years for involuntary manslaughter and is spending the time in a juvenile detention center. He will be out next year. I cannot face the fact that he will be walking around free while my son is dead. I cannot forgive him, and the injustice eats at me every day.
Don’t tell me to get counseling. It will not bring my son back. Nor am I going to hurt my nephew, much as the idea appeals to me, because it will only make matters worse. However, I do want him to spend the rest of his life remembering his cousin and honoring his memory. I want him to suffer forever, like me.
Please, Ann, I am going out of my mind with hatred for this nephew, and I’m afraid of what I might do when he is released from prison. Do you have any words of comfort? — A Lost Father in a Cold Climate
Dear Lost Father: My heart aches for you. Counseling will not bring your son back, but it may help you come to grips with your terrible loss. I also urge you to contact The Compassionate Friends. This fine organization gives support to parents whose children have died. The address is: P.O. Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696, or call 1-877-969-0010 (www.compassionatefriends.org). Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Dear Ann Landers: My 48-year-old lesbian daughter is about to become a mother. Her companion conceived by artificial insemination, and the two of them plan to raise the child.
My daughter has asked me to be the grandfather to this baby, but I’m not sure I should. After all, the child will not actually be related to me. My ex-wife insists that this is a joke and should not be taken seriously. My friends say they have never heard of any rules on the subject and I should make my own.
I am friendly with my daughter’s companion, and their baby will have the companion’s last name. What should I do? — Confused in Canada
Dear Confused: If your daughter is raising this child, you can be as much of a grandfather as you would like to be. In some instances, the non-biological parent legally adopts her partner’s child. In that case, you should treat the baby as you would any other grandchild.
I am sure this child would benefit enormously from having you as a grandfather, and I hope you will accept your daughter’s offer.
Dear Ann Landers: Here’s a prizewinning stupid crook story for you: A 31-year-old man in England approached a woman at a bus stop and tried to make a date with her. He wrote down his name and telephone number on her hand, and she later made a permanent note of it.
Twelve days later, a video captured the same man committing a robbery, and his face was shown on a police crime show. The woman at the bus stop recognized him and called the police. He was sentenced to nine years in jail. — Kentucky Reader
Dear Kentucky: And some people think romance is dead. Thanks for writing.
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An old Irish blessing for St. Patrick’s Day: May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.
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Drugs are everywhere. They’re easy to get, easy to use and even easier to get hooked on. If you have questions about drugs, you need Ann Landers’ booklet “The Lowdown on Dope.” Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $5 (this includes postage and handling) to: Lowdown, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562.