Dear Ann Landers: At a recent family gathering, my brother’s wife, “Allison,” told us she was no longer speaking to my father and wanted us to do the same. When I asked her what had happened, she said he owed her money. Dad apparently borrowed from my brother and Allison because he had lost his job.
My wife, the peacemaker, talked to Dad and said he should try to make payments on the loan as a sign of good faith. Dad made his first payment last month and plans to make them regularly. We thought the matter was closed, but we were wrong. Allison is still angry with my father and believes everyone in the family should stop speaking to him until the entire loan is paid back.
Two days ago, I received a note from Allison saying they were strapped for cash (I don’t believe it). She expects us to repay them for several cash gifts they have given us over the past five years. It is her way of telling us we have to choose between her or my father. We have no intention of doing this.
Allison has a history of holding grudges, and we do not want to be a part of it. However, my brother is taking her side, which makes the situation more difficult. I would like to heal this rift without damaging my relationship with Allison, but I’m not sure how. Do you have any ideas? — Still Speaking in Pennsylvania
Dear Pennsylvania: You cannot heal the rift unless Allison is willing to meet you halfway, which she is not. Give her whatever money she thinks you owe, and do not accept any more “gifts” from her. Her “gifts” are too expensive.
Under no circumstances should you be drawn into her fights with your dad or anyone else. Smile sweetly, and stay out of her battles.
Dear Ann Landers: I am a 48-year-old divorced woman. My children are in college and live away from home. I own my home and have a terrific job. I recently met a wonderful man who is six years younger than I am. “Gabe” is romantic, caring and faithful, and he adores me. He is divorced and pays child support for three children. It will be another eight years before the youngest is ready for college. Gabe is often short on cash, although he manages.
So what is the problem? Gabe is planning to pop the question soon. I am well aware of how expensive and time-consuming it is to raise children. Frankly, I don’t know if I am willing to put in that kind of money and effort again.
I love Gabe and think we could be happy together, but my head is telling me to run. What should I do? — A New Life in California
Dear New Life: Do Gabe a favor. Refuse his marriage proposal. You are not ready to marry a man who has young children. Furthermore, his children deserve a stepmother who is glad to do the job. If Gabe is willing to wait until his children are grown, you might be happy together. If not, say goodbye and move on.
Dear Ann Landers: I read the letter from “Too Old in Texas,” whose niece kept sending her cards with paper confetti inside.
Last February, my best friend died after being hit by a car. On the day of the funeral, I saw his older sister throw something on his casket. After the services, I asked what she was doing. She replied, “I am making him swear in heaven.”
Every year, she sent him cards with confetti, and he always phoned her, swearing and laughing. The confetti on his casket was in remembrance of the laughter they shared. — New York Memories
Dear N.Y.: Your letter brought a lump to my throat. Thanks for writing.
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Confidential to Margo: Happy birthday, darling daughter. And thanks for adding the priceless gift of Dr. Ron Weintraub to our “family portrait.”
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