Dear Ann Landers: My husband owns a business with “Martin.” Last week, Martin’s wife, “Nancy,” called to say she is certain the company’s 19-year-old secretary is trying to seduce her husband. This secretary has been working for the men for six months. I have not met her, but Nancy says the girl dresses like a tramp and behaves in a flirty manner.
Neither my husband nor Martin has any intention of firing this girl simply because Nancy doesn’t like her. Nancy believes she can get the secretary to quit by being rude to her on the phone. She also shows up unexpectedly at the office “just in case” something is going on. She belittles the secretary to her face and constantly reminds her that she is the owner’s wife. Nancy wants to enlist my help in this harassment. She warned me that if the girl cannot seduce Martin, she will surely go after my husband.
I feel uncomfortable behaving this way, and I don’t know if it would be effective in any case. If the secretary is in fact trying to seduce Martin, it seems to me that Nancy’s behavior will only make her more determined to “save” him from his nasty wife. Should I go along with Nancy’s plan? The situation is getting out of control, and I’m not sure what to do.
— The Partner’s Wife in Florida
Dear Wife: Do not go along with Nancy’s plan. If her husband is planning to have an affair with the secretary, Nancy’s harassment will turn the girl into a figure of sympathy who needs her boss’ support.
Unless you have reason to believe this girl is behaving in a destructive manner, please allow your husband to decide who works for him. Nancy is making a fool of herself, and if she isn’t careful, she will have a whole new set of problems.
Dear Ann Landers: You recently printed a letter from “Caught in the Middle in New York,” whose daughter has moved in with a 37-year-old, divorced bartender. The woman referred to the boyfriend as “a loser.” What’s worse, you said the same thing in your response. What exactly makes him a loser?
Bartenders are professionals. They work hard and make decent money. They are also loyal friends and perceptive about human nature. Good bartenders save lives by taking care of those who have imbibed too heavily. They bear up well under abuse from their patrons.
Tell me, Ann, would you have responded differently if the man had been a professor or a doctor?
— Friend of the Bartender in Los Angeles
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Dear Friend: I am sorry if I offended the bartenders and their friends in my reading audience.
The woman who wrote was concerned that her daughter had dropped out of college and was living with a divorced man 16 years her senior. I don’t believe his job was the focus of her disappointment. I apologize for not making that clear. I was bombarded with angry mail from bartenders across the country. Mea culpa. My response was not one of my best.
Dear Ann Landers: This is in response to “Runt in Burlington, Vt.,” who wanted a snappy comeback for the clods who make comments about her height. I am less than 5 feet tall and have been living with the same problem for 50 years. I have finally come up with the perfect response.
When someone asks, “How tall are you?” I smile sweetly and answer, “I’m 5 feet 7.” This renders the clod speechless while making it clear how ridiculous the question was. It works every time.
— Clod Stopper in Wynnewood, Pa.
Dear Clod Stopper: What a perfect response! Thanks for passing it along.
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Feeling pressured to have sex? How well-informed are you? Write for Ann Landers’ booklet “Sex and the Teenager.” Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Teens, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562. (In Canada, send $4.55.) To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.