Dear Ann Landers: My husband is addicted to a powerful painkiller, which he was given after back surgery two years ago. “Dan” tried several times to get off this highly addictive drug, but nothing worked. He is still addicted.
I threatened to leave him, but he begged for my forgiveness, and I could not refuse. Unfortunately, he kept sneaking around to find ways to get more of the drug. Dan told different doctors that he is in pain from his previous back surgery, and they have actually prescribed small amounts of this very same painkiller. He is manipulative and clever, and the doctors don’t bother to verify his version of the facts. When he wound up in the hospital last week, vomiting blood, one doctor had the nerve to blame me for Dan’s addiction.
We have a young son, and I do not want him exposed to his father’s behavior. I cannot live with my husband anymore, but no one else will take care of him, including his parents. After the last episode, I threw him out, but my conscience is bothering me. He is probably living on the streets. What should I do? — Wife of an Addict in Maryland
Dear Addict’s Wife: There is nothing you can do unless your husband is willing to get professional help. Some of those painkillers are more addictive than heroin. A desire to quit is helpful, but not enough. He may need hospitalization along with counseling to overcome his addiction. If you can get Dan into a drug-treatment program, I recommend it.
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You can also contact Nar-Anon, an organization for family members of drug addicts. Send a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope to: Nar-Anon World Service Group, Box 2562, Palos Verdes Peninsula, CA 90274.
Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I come from families that like to use the same names over and over. His brother, cousin and nephew have the same name as his uncle. My husband is named after his father. I am named after an aunt. I’m sure you get the picture.
When I had my first child, I deliberately chose a name that had not been used before. “Laura” is now 3 years old. Two weeks ago, my sister-in-law had a baby girl and announced that she was naming her Laura. I was outraged. My mother-in-law apparently told the new parents that I wouldn’t mind if they used my daughter’s name. She never bothered to check with me.
My mother-in-law thinks I’m being silly. She says everyone will call the new baby “Laura Ann” and my daughter will be “just Laura.” This is hardly an improvement as far as I’m concerned. I feel they have taken away my child’s individuality, and I am terribly hurt. My anger is sure to make future family gatherings unpleasant, so please tell me how to get past this. — Just Mom in New York
Dear Just Mom: Your mother-in-law should not have given the OK without asking you first. However, there is nothing you can do about it now, and it serves no purpose to hold a grudge. It is not the little girl’s fault.
Your daughter is an established member of the family and has laid claim to the name “Laura” for the past three years. It takes nothing away from her if a younger cousin has the same first name. In fact, it is a compliment. Your sister-in-law obviously considers your daughter very special since she named the new baby after her. Meanwhile, encourage the use of “Laura Ann” for your niece, and in a few years, no one will notice they share a name.
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