Dear Ann Landers: My daughter, “Emily,” used to be an absolute joy — she was responsible, an honor student, did volunteer work and was active in our church. She started college a year ago, and that’s when everything fell apart.
Emily met a 24-year-old man at her part-time job and dropped out of school. Her behavior changed completely. She became rude and disrespectful, and wouldn’t listen to a word I said. I checked her belongings for drugs, but found nothing. I asked her to go for counseling, but she laughed in my face. She stopped calling me “Mom” and treated me terribly.
Six months ago, Emily and I had a big argument, and she moved in with her boyfriend’s family. I sent her a gift for her birthday, but she didn’t thank me. Last month she stopped by, but she was so nasty I asked her to leave. I don’t know if she’ll be back, and frankly, I’m not sure I want to see her again until she grows up and develops some respect for me.
I know she is 19 and legally an adult, but is there anything I can do to get my sweet daughter back? I don’t know this version of Emily, and I don’t like it. My heart is breaking, Ann. Please help me. — Ready to Give Up in Romeoville, Ill.
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Dear Romeoville: It is not unusual for a 19-year-old to become rude and disrespectful. With time, she should outgrow it.
Emily is entitled to live her own life, regardless of what a mess it is. Please don’t burn any bridges because you are hurt and angry. Since personal contact is so painful, send notes to Emily now and then, letting her know you love her and that your door is always open. If she becomes rude in your home, by all means, ask her to leave, but please don’t make it a permanent decision. Over time, she may change her tune. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.
Dear Ann Landers: I just read the letter from “Dave in San Francisco,” who thought he might succumb to an office temptress.
Over the years, I have worked in several offices and been acquainted with women like this. They considered it a challenge to get a happily married man to cheat on his wife. As soon as these men wanted something more than sex — as decent men do — they were dumped for a new conquest. Ann, these men are decent — just foolish and vulnerable to the flattery of a young, attractive woman.
Married men should stay away from women who flirt shamelessly. Those men are just another notch on the lipstick tube, and nothing more. — It’s Not About You on the West Coast
Dear West Coast: Thanks for the insight. Any married man who is tempted by the office flirt would do well to remember your words. Once the challenge is over, so is the affair, and it is never worth the risk of discovery.
Dear Ann Landers: My boyfriend, “Joe,” and I want to get married soon. I was married once before to an abusive man, although it didn’t last very long — less than a year. We were married in front of a justice of the peace and never had any kind of reception to celebrate. My relatives did not consider it a real marriage.
Would it be OK for me to have a full-blown wedding with Joe? Am I permitted to wear white? Can I have bridesmaids, groomsmen, flowers and the works? I really want this, Ann, but I don’t want to do anything inappropriate. — Want to Be a Bride in Dallas
Dear Bride: Usually, brides who have been married before wear off-white gowns or pastel suits, but there is no rule that says you can’t have a big wedding. Knock yourself out, dear, and good luck.
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Planning a wedding? What’s right? What’s wrong? “The Ann Landers Guide for Brides” will relieve your anxiety. Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Brides, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562. (In Canada, send $4.55.) To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.