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player ready...Dear Ann Landers: I have been living with “Lorena” for six months, and we are planning to be married soon. Lorena likes to walk around wearing only a top and nothing else. Naturally, this turns me on. If I approach her, she will kiss me passionately and then — nothing. She will giggle and walk away, letting me know she has no interest in pursuing the matter. We have sex less than once a month.
When I discuss this with Lorena and ask her to be more accommodating or less revealing, she laughs it off and says there’s nothing wrong. I’m beginning to wonder if there might be a problem with our sexual compatibility down the road. Please give me some advice, Ann. I am . . .
— Frustrated and Sexless in Dallas
Dear Frustrated: Lorena is a tease. She likes the reaction she gets from you, but has little interest in consummating the act. Don’t let her innocent act fool you. She knows exactly what she is doing.
I strongly urge you to get counseling and work this out before you marry. While sex isn’t everything in a marriage, it is extremely important to most couples. Your sexual needs are not in tune with hers right now, and the situation isn’t likely to improve after marriage.
Dear Ann Landers: I hope you can help me. My husband’s father is wedging himself into the middle of our marriage, and I can’t take it anymore.
“Chris” and I work long, hard hours, and we have precious little time together. As soon as we sit down for dinner, the telephone rings. His father calls every night to say nothing. He calls during dinner, after dinner and before bedtime. He calls to tell us he’ll be calling later. This is in addition to the many times he calls Chris at work during the day or stops by the office.
My father-in-law never wanted us to marry. He managed to leave our wedding before we exchanged vows. I think his relationship with Chris is unhealthy, and his intrusiveness is driving me insane. Chris loves his father and doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’ve had it. Any suggestions?
— Desperate in Maryland
Dear Desperate: Your father-in-law is too involved in your life, and he needs to back off. Unfortunately, unless Chris is willing to speak up, nothing will change.
Is your father-in-law married? If not, he may be lonely and expect Chris to be his constant companion. Introduce him to some available females, and involve him in community activities. It sounds to me, however, as if he is trying to control his son. Chris needs to set some limits before Dad destroys your marriage. Tell him I said so.
Dear Ann Landers: Please help me convince my daughter to stop buying me things I don’t need. I am 67 years old, own my house and live alone. My daughter has bought me more fishing equipment than I can use in a lifetime. I have closets full of shirts, sweaters and ties — some in their original boxes. I have every gadget imaginable. For my last birthday, I asked my daughter to make me some of her terrific cookies as a gift. She ignored the suggestion and bought me a pair of gardening gloves. I already have a dozen.
I am not trying to sound ungrateful, Ann, but she is wasting her money and her efforts. If she doesn’t stop, I will have to buy a bigger house.
— Dad in Kentucky
Dear Kentucky: Most older folks are not interested in accumulating things. They prefer gift certificates, homemade treats, tickets to a play, and offers to run errands or fix things around the house. If your daughter refuses to listen to your pleas, accept her gifts graciously, and donate them to a homeless shelter or the Salvation Army. I’m sure someone there will be thrilled to have them.
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Do you have questions about sex, but no one to talk to? Ann Landers’ booklet “Sex and the Teenager” is frank and to the point. Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Teens, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562. (In Canada, send $4.55.) To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.