Dear Ann Landers: My wife and I have been married for 26 years. Our children are grown and out of the house, so we now have two empty bedrooms. The problem is, I would like to have one of those bedrooms as my own.
My wife thinks this is a sign of serious trouble, but believe me, she has no reason to worry. I am not trying to get away from her or avoid intimacy. Far from it. I simply want to watch TV or listen to the radio without disturbing my wife’s sleep. There are times when I’d like to read late at night and would need to turn on a light. I would also love to have enough closet space for my clothes.
My wife says we need marriage counseling, but I don’t see why. Is my request as unusual as she thinks? — Mike at Night in Washington State
Dear Mike: There is nothing wrong with separate bedrooms, provided the intimacy level remains satisfying for you both. You can also convert one of the bedrooms into a den with a TV and a pull-out sofa.
Since this setup makes your wife nervous, I suggest you continue to go to bed together. If she becomes sleepy and you want to watch TV, you can then go into the other room. Eventually, she will see that this arrangement is not hurting your marriage and will be more accepting of it. (P.S. Be sure to kiss her good morning.)
Dear Ann Landers: I’d like to respond to “Beside Myself in Tallahassee, Fla.,” whose husband regularly jogs with a married woman from work. They often have dinner together, and he insists nothing is going on. Her story sounds like mine.
My husband began jogging with a woman at work, followed by regular breakfasts and lunches together. He started working late and on weekends, and I could never reach him when I called. I confronted him many times about this woman, but he insisted nothing improper was going on and they were “just friends.”
He said I was unfairly suspicious and paranoid.
I asked my husband to go with me for counseling, but he refused because he was having an affair and didn’t want to confess. I told him a happily married man simply doesn’t behave this way. When I finally worked up the nerve to ask, “Are you in love with her?” he broke down and admitted he was, and had been for almost a year. We are now divorced.
“Tallahassee” needs to understand that her husband has already left her emotionally. She must confront him and find out the truth. He may want to reconcile, or he may walk out the door, but it’s better than living with a lying, cheating man who breaks your heart. I was devastated, but I have moved on and am much happier now. — No Fool in California
Dear California: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again — trust your instincts. Too many women are afraid to deal with the truth of an affair and pretend nothing is wrong. Of course, that is their choice to make, but I’m with you on this one.
Dear Ann Landers: May I please respond to the Fairfax, Va., couple who couldn’t decide between a diamond or a pearl engagement ring?
Pearls are beautiful stones, but they don’t necessarily make the best choice for a ring she will want to keep forever. A pearl is not as durable as a diamond.
Its softness almost guarantees it will have to be replaced at some point down the road. If she doesn’t want a diamond, rubies and sapphires are also hard stones and would make good alternatives. Please tell her. — Jeweler in Pittsburgh
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Dear Jeweler: You were not the only one to point out that pearls are softer than diamonds and may not last as long. Any bride who is considering a non-traditional stone for her engagement ring should talk to a jeweler first.
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To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.