Dear Cheryl: My live-in boyfriend and I both went through nasty divorces. We’ve been very happy together for eight years. We have custody of our children. They’re all teenagers and we love them all equally. The only problem is our ex-spouses.
His ex-wife thinks nothing of saying that my boyfriend threatened her and having him arrested. Then when we go to court, she drops the charges. But we still had to hire a lawyer, etc. My ex-husband thinks he can still tell me what to do. Both of our ex’s call us in the middle of the night just to annoy us.
Then we have family members telling us to get married. Living together is fine with us and our kids. My question is how do we get our ex-spouses to leave us alone and how do we get well meaning family members to mind their own business?
— Very Happy Now
Dear Very Happy Now: First the easy part. Tell your family what you’ve told me: You and your kids are happy the way things are. There are ways to say it that will end the conversation for good.
Now the hard part. Why don’t you move? Get away from your meddling spouses. They’ll have to find other ways to have fun. If you can’t move, talk to a lawyer about your options vis-a-vis the ex-wife. In either case, block the annoying phone calls.
Dear Cheryl: I was deeply in love with Al, my daughter’s father who died in 2000. He was a father and lover to me and I haven’t really faced his death. But I’ve been dating Roger for 10 months. He has keys to my house and comes and goes as he pleases. However, he still lives with his baby’s mother and has lots of female friends. He told me there is nothing between him and his baby’s mother and that the other women are just friends. He tells me that he loves me, but doesn’t show it. I’m afraid he is going to leave me. It is to the point that I can’t sleep. I lost my one true love, I don’t want to lose Roger.
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— Sleepless in Evanston
Dear Sleepless in Evanston: You need counseling to deal with the death of Al before you can move on and form a healthy relationship with anyone. You’re too vulnerable now to stand up for yourself. Roger is treating you shabbily and you don’t seem to know it. Get help for your sake and your daughter’s. Good luck and let me know what happens.
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Got a problem? Send it to Cheryl Lavin, Tales from the Front, baiduhai, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611 or e-mail [email protected]. All names are changed. Letters cannot be considered without name, address and day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part for any purpose and become the property of the column. Read Tales from the Front every Sunday in Arts & Entertainment and Tuesday and Thursday in Tempo.