Dear Ann Landers: I was not a virgin when I married my husband, “Vern,” and he knew it at the time. We have been married for six years. Vern was recently laid off from his job, and I am now supporting the family. With all his free time, he is obsessing over my past loves and driving me crazy by demanding details. Vern wants to know the name of every guy I slept with, and he plans to contact each and every one of them to find out if I’m telling the truth. He thinks my single life was one continuous party. It’s not true, Ann. I am much happier being married and raising my children.
Why is Vern so obsessed with my former love life? How can I get him to back off?
— Faithful Forever in Canada
Dear Faithful: Vern needs a hobby. While he is stuck at home, he probably imagines that you are leading a wild life with your male co-workers. His isolation is contributing to his paranoia.
Under no circumstances should you give your husband the names and addresses of your former boyfriends. Continue to reassure Vern that you love him and would never leave him. Help him work on his resume, and check the want ads. Maybe there are repairs around the house that could make him feel useful. If things don’t improve, please urge Vern to seek therapy. Sometimes a good doctor and the right medication can work wonders.
Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I are college students with a new baby. I stayed at home for my six-week maternity leave but had to go back to work part time in order to make ends meet.
We have a lovely neighbor who has offered to watch our daughter, at no cost, while I am at work. We are good friends, and she knows if the job becomes too great a burden, she can tell me and I will make other arrangements.
My mother-in-law thinks this is a lousy setup. She insists the baby is a “handful” and our neighbor will resent us for being forced to watch her. Mom says I should get a night job so my husband can stay with our daughter during the evening and I can stay with her during the day. I don’t want to do this. I think it is important to spend time together as a family. How can I get my mother-in-law to back off and stay out of our business?
— Tired of Listening in Utah
Dear Utah: If you are comfortable having your neighbor watch your daughter, then make the arrangements. You should, however, offer to pay the woman or at least provide dinner for her now and then to thank her. Day care is a big job. I don’t understand why your mother-in-law objects, but this is not her decision. Thank her for her concern, then ignore her suggestions.
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Dear Ann Landers: My brother is getting married in four months. Last year, at my sister’s wedding, my cousin, “Mindy,” wore a tank top and short shorts to the reception. Her dancing was extremely suggestive, and her idiot parents actually had the nerve to cheer her on.
I do not want to see this disgusting scene repeated at my brother’s wedding. My parents are afraid to say anything for fear of creating a family rift. Is there any way to make Mindy dress properly and behave like an adult?
— Worried in Michigan
Dear Worried: No. If you must invite Mindy, it might help to have a chummy discussion about clothes in advance. Tell her how excited you are to be wearing a fancy outfit, and hope that she gets the hint.
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