Dear Ann Landers: I am a 37-year-old woman, and I have been married to “Arthur” for four years. We were both divorced when we met. Last week, Arthur confessed that his divorce was never finalized and he may still be legally married to his first wife.
Arthur told me he found out about it only last week when he asked his ex for a copy of the divorce papers (for insurance purposes) and she refused to send them. He immediately concluded she never signed the papers and the divorce never went through. This sounds mighty fishy to me. I suspect Arthur knew there was a problem all along, and now he can conveniently pretend that his ex-wife is the one guilty of deception. What really bothers me is that for the past four years, Arthur has been the beneficiary on my insurance policy, while his first wife has been the beneficiary on his.
Arthur says we should remarry and make it legal. I think he is a liar and a bigamist, and I’m too angry to consider his offer. I haven’t been sleeping lately, and I may not be thinking straight, so I’d appreciate your insight. — Stressed in Brooklyn, N.Y.
Dear Brooklyn: You have been “married” to Arthur for four years. I assume you still love him, in spite of his duplicity.
Before agreeing to anything, however, I urge you to talk to an attorney and find out how to fix this mess. Insist on seeing the divorce papers. Have Arthur update his insurance policy. If you still cannot get past your anger, please see a counselor. Holding on to this grudge may do more harm than good.
Dear Ann Landers: My son, “Tim,” is 10 years old and collects video game cards. We recently went to a department store, and he asked me to buy him cards for his latest collection. I said no because he already has plenty. When we returned home, however, he admitted that he had stolen a package of cards from the store and removed the alarm tag before sliding them into his pocket.
Tim felt terribly guilty about what he had done and began to cry. I was shocked that he would steal anything and told him his punishment was not to touch any video games or cards for one month. He agreed to this punishment and says he deserves whatever I hand out.
I am a single parent and not sure if I did the right thing. Should I return the cards to the store? Please tell me what to do. — Need Advice in California
Dear Need Advice: Your punishment was fine, but not enough. Tim needs to understand that shoplifting is a serious crime. Call the department store manager and explain that your son took the cards by mistake and he wants to pay for them. Accompany Tim to the store so he can apologize in person and pay for the cards out of his allowance. That ought to take care of it.
Dear Ann Landers: I read with interest the letter from “Need Help in Louisiana,” whose in-laws left their medication out. She was worried that her toddler would get into it. Let me tell you, children can get into all kinds of things.
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My in-laws visited us one year, and we cautioned them about leaving things where our 2-year-old son could find them. At the time, “Little Johnny’s” favorite hobby was flushing things down the toilet. One morning while my father-in-law was in the bathroom, Johnny saw his false teeth in a glass next to the bed. You can guess what he did with them. We spent the rest of the day calling for a plumber and pureeing Dad’s meals in the food processor so he could eat.
Neither of my in-laws has ever left anything out since. — Nebraska Native
Dear Nebraska: I’m glad your in-laws learned to take better care of their personal belongings. Little Johnny taught them an expensive lesson.
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To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.