Dear Ann Landers: In the five years I have been married to “Joe,” he has never been good about giving presents. For my birthday last year, he bought me a plastic piggy bank. (I have no idea what was going on in his head.) On our anniversary, he gave me a toaster he must have picked up at a garage sale. It was dented and wrapped in a plastic bag.
I decided to make things easier for Joe and made a list of all the things I would love for him to get me. I even cut out pictures from magazines and circled the colors I’d prefer. Nothing helped. My birthday was last week, and Joe gave me a candle. I think he found it in someone’s trash bin.
I don’t want to hurt Joe’s feelings, and I know he means well, but I never enjoy opening his presents and dread the next occasion. Also, he is wasting money when he buys stuff I don’t want. Should I suffer in silence or tell him to get me a gift certificate? — Not Grateful in Richmond, Va.
Dear Richmond: A husband who brings home a candle from someone’s trash bin and tries to pass it off as a gift does not “mean well.” He’s just plain cheap. Stop dropping hints, and tell Joe exactly what you want. If he still brings home garage-sale items, buy yourself whatever you want, and inform Joe that it is his gift to you.
Dear Ann Landers: My 19-year-old son, “Adam,” will be getting married in a few months. His father and I have been divorced for 10 years, and we do not get along at all. In fact, since the divorce, my ex-husband says any communication from me interferes with his life and I should never contact him again.
Here’s the problem: Adam has informed me that I will not be invited to his wedding because he wants his father there. His father, obviously, will not come if he knows I will be present. I have told Adam he should invite everybody and those who don’t like it, too bad. He says it’s his wedding, he wants his father by his side, and I should stay home. He says I should be happy for him.
How can I be happy when my own son is excluding me from his wedding? I have told Adam I will never forgive him for this. I am hurt beyond words. What do you say, Ann? — Unwanted Mother in Texas
Dear Mother: Letters like yours make me sad. Weddings should not be an “either/or” event. Both parents should be invited. However, if Adam insists that he needs his father there that day, I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive him and not let this unkindness ruin your relationship.
Dear Ann Landers: You were right to tell “Looking for Work in California” to take a lesser job and work his way up.
My husband was a successful lawyer. He speaks eight languages. Many years ago, he lost his job and hit the streets looking for work. He was offered only menial legal work in small firms, for which he was extremely overqualified.
He decided to swallow his pride and began doing legal translations from home. It took several years of struggle, but he now has a successful business. The best part is, he is his own boss and can make time for me and the kids. — New York Wife
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Dear New York Wife: I’m glad your husband had the talent and ability to forge a new career for himself when his old one petered out. Not everyone is so fortunate. The important lesson is don’t give up. You never know what is around the corner.
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