Dear Ann Landers: I am not a religious man. In fact, I consider myself an atheist. I am also very ethical and have high moral standards. I donate to more than a dozen charities. I am kind to animals, children and the environment. I would never raise my hand to my wife or children, and I treat them as the precious people they are. I strive to make the world a better place and understand those different from myself. I am intelligent and kind, and stand up for what I believe. I never impose my beliefs on those around me. So, why is it that as soon as people find out I don’t believe in God, they tell me I am going to hell? One woman said, “You cannot possibly have good morals if you don’t believe.” This is nonsense. I know plenty of “God-fearing, church-going folk” who have rotten moral standards. They drink, smoke, do drugs, lie, steal and cheat on their spouses.
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I am sick and tired of people making moral judgments about me based solely on the fact that I do not believe in religion. While I don’t advertise my atheism, I don’t wish to deny my ideology, as if it is something to be ashamed of. How can I get these well-meaning but ignorant people off my back?
— Unbeliever in Maryland
Dear Unbeliever: You can’t, so stop trying. Deeply religious people feel they must “save” you, and nothing you do will convince them otherwise. You don’t need to justify your beliefs to anyone. If an acquaintance says you are going to hell, reply, “Thank you,” and walk away.
Dear Ann Landers: When my son was 5 years old, his father and I divorced. My ex-husband made it clear he wanted no contact with his son again — no birthday cards, no letters, no visits, nothing. He sent child support regularly, but never tried to get in touch. When the boy was 14, his father wrote him a short letter, which sent my son into emotional turmoil. No other contact was made.
My son is now 32 years old, happily married, with three beautiful children. He is successful in his career and a wonderful person. I think my ex-husband would be pleased and proud to know what a terrific man his son turned out to be. When I mentioned to my son that I wanted to write his father, he said, “Absolutely not.”
I don’t want to hurt my son, but I know he must miss having his father in his life. Should I contact my ex, against my son’s wishes, and give him an update? Please tell me what to do.
— Torn in Texas
Dear Texas: Your son is a grown man now and capable of making his own decisions. If his father tries to get in touch with you, by all means respond, but you should not initiate the contact. MYOB, Mom.
Dear Ann Landers: I read the Gem of the Day credited to Totie Fields and had to write because I always loved her humor.
When I was 12 years old, Totie taught me the true meaning of love. I thought it was all about romance, flowers and moonlight, but I changed my mind when I saw Totie on “The Mike Douglas Show.” She was ill, and one of her legs had been amputated. In the hospital, she asked her husband how he could still love her after her surgery, and he replied, “I didn’t fall in love with your parts.”
At that moment, I understood what love was supposed to be. That line still tugs on my heartstrings even as I write this.
–Totie Fan in New Hampshire
Dear Totie Fan: Thank you for that genuinely uplifting story. Several readers wrote to tell me how much they miss Totie Fields’ humor and spunk. I do too.
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