Dear Ann Landers: You recently printed a letter from “California Question Mark,” whose newly widowed father became romantically involved with “Jane,” one of his late wife’s caregivers. She didn’t want Dad to bring Jane to a family event. Thank you for saying that some people heal faster than others. My first wife died after a long bout with cancer. She was only 35 years old. I remarried six months later, to her best friend, and we have been happily married for almost 30 years. The truth is, my mourning began when I found out my wife’s illness was terminal. By the time she died, I had finished my grieving.
I understand that children may feel differently about how much time is needed to mourn, but they are not in the same position as a spouse who is living through it. Marrying again so soon did not diminish my feelings for my first wife. It only underscored what a wonderful marriage I had and how much I wanted the opportunity to experience that love again. — St. Peters, Mo.
Dear St. Peters: I’m glad you found happiness a second time. Here’s another letter with a different viewpoint:
Dear Ann Landers: This is in response to “California Question Mark.” It didn’t surprise me in the least that the man had hooked up with his wife’s caregiver. The caregiver may even have been after him while his wife was dying.
My husband left me eight years ago for a “friend” he’d been having an affair with, and I found myself single again at the age of 45. Most of the widowers I encountered had already met their next wife within two months of the first wife’s death. Most remarried within a year.
Divorced, widowed and single women chase after widowers because they are the “prime catches” of available men. These predatory women read the death notices and take food to the widower’s home in the first week after the death. One widower I dated informed me that he was a “hot commodity” and intended to make the rounds of all the women while still in his glory. — Available in Rockland County, N.Y.
Dear Rockland County: Such behavior is appalling, but not surprising. Some women are so desperate for a mate, they will do whatever it takes. Of course, it helps that the men are so eager to be taken. Thanks for cluing me in.
Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I have lived next door to my in-laws for 18 years. I adore my mother-in-law. She is my best friend and a wonderful woman.
Ten years ago, my husband’s oldest sister moved back into town and bought a house two doors away. This woman has taken it upon herself to give me unwanted advice, reprimand my children, check out my possessions and compare them to hers, criticize my clothing, my hair, my furniture, you name it. Her children are worse. They come into my house when no one is home, eat my food and use our things. They are rude and inconsiderate, and they drive me absolutely crazy.
For the sake of family harmony, I have put up with my sister-in-law for 10 years, but I can’t take it for one more second. My mother-in-law knows her daughter is a royal pain, but she loves her anyway.
I have tried to be nice to my sister-in-law, but the situation never improves. Do you have any advice for me? — End of the Rope in Utah
Dear End of the Rope: Are you willing to move to another part of town? That is the only way you can keep your sister-in-law at a distance while staying close to your mother-in-law. Meanwhile, try not to take the woman so seriously. And for heaven’s sake, keep your doors locked when you’re not at home.
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That first kiss, that first embrace. . . . Remember all those things that brought you and your loved one together? Ann Landers’ booklet “How We Met” is now available. For a copy, please send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $5.50 (this includes postage and handling) to: How We Met, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562 (in Canada, $6.50). To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.