Dear Ann Landers: Two years ago, my brother, “Andy,” married “Camilla,” who was pregnant at the time. Camilla was never particularly nice to our family, but my brother loved her, and we tried to accept her.
The night before the wedding, Camilla had several drinks too many and told me the baby was not Andy’s. She said she had slept with another man I know. (He is married and has two children.) Because she was drunk, I ignored her ramblings. When she gave birth, we all adored the new baby girl.
Andy and Camilla got a divorce two months ago. Since then, she has been making constant demands for more child support. She refuses to get a job, and Andy is paying for all her living expenses. Meanwhile, Andy’s financial situation has deteriorated, and he has been forced to move in with my husband and me.
Andy loves his baby daughter and is going through hell to keep things together for her sake. However, as the baby gets older, I can’t help but notice she bears a strong resemblance to the married lover’s other children. I am reluctant to say anything to Andy, since he adores the child, but I cannot stand the way Camilla is taking advantage of him. If Andy takes a DNA test and discovers he is not the father, he will no longer have to support the baby and her mother. The married lover is not likely to help out either, because he is irresponsible and no good.
Should I keep quiet for the sake of the little girl? I am truly torn between letting Andy know the truth and leaving things alone. Please help me decide. — His Sister in Washington State
Dear Sister: Please stay out of this, not only for the sake of the child, but for your entire family’s emotional well-being. A drunken confession is hardly evidence. You cannot be certain about the child’s parentage, and your brother loves the little girl. If he harbors any doubts about being the father, he will take matters into his own hands. You should not be involved.
Dear Ann Landers: You recently printed a letter about a man who offered marijuana to his 15-year-old sister-in-law. You said he was irresponsible and should be confronted. I agree. However, there is one factor you may have overlooked.
This man offered pot to the girl, but not her brother. I was also offered marijuana by a married man when I was in my teens. He was hoping I would get high and be amenable to his sexual advances. I am convinced this “irresponsible” brother-in-law was trying the same tactic on the 15-year-old girl.
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This jerk should not be protected by his victim’s silence. She needs to be reassured she is not causing a family problem by speaking up. It is not her fault, it is his. Tell her, Ann. — Another Victim in Wilmette, Ill.
Dear Victim: Thank you for pointing out that the offer of a joint may have been an attempt at seduction. Regardless of the underlying reason, I hope that mother reads him the riot act.
Dear Ann Landers: I read with interest the letter from “Still Shocked in Vancouver,” whose relative took photographs at a funeral.
Please tell her that photography was invented by Daguerre in 1839, and within the next 12 years, there were daguerreotypes of deceased individuals, mostly children. Special plastic cases were produced with angels on them, specifically to hold and protect these post-mortem images. It was not considered distasteful. People used to treasure these mementos of their loved ones. — H.F. in Washington, D.C.
Dear H.F.: Thanks for the history lesson. Apparently, I needed it.
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To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.