You open the candy tin from your beloved on Valentine’s Day, your heart all a flutter. Aw, candy hearts, how sweet!
And then you read them.
“Time 2 trade up.” “See other people.” “Just met the 1.” “I need space, money.”
OK, so it’ll never happen to you. But in case a friend of yours gets blitzed with such bombshells tomorrow, we’ll tell you who’s behind them: the folks at Despair Inc. And we think they’re a hoot (because it also will never happen to us).
The BitterSweets are only part of the bitingly funny finds this company has to offer. But our favorites are the demotivational posters. Beneath breathtaking images of, say, natural vistas or sleek athletes are such wisecracks as: “Mediocrity: It Takes a Lot Less Time, and Most People Won’t Notice the Difference Until It’s Too Late,” “Procrastination: Hard Work Often Pays Off After Time, but Laziness Always Pays Off Now,” or “Defeat: For Every Winner, There Are Dozens of Losers. Odds Are You’re One of Them.” And, of course, there’s the short but sweet “Failure: When Your Best Just Isn’t Good Enough.” There are plenty more, enough for the world-weary underachiever in all of us. (C’mon, don’t such sayings take the pressure off?) They come in 12-notecard sets, desk toppers and lithographs for $15.95 each; and, to help totally celebrate one’s incompetence and bad attitude, wood-framed lithographs for $109.95. Check out the company’s Web site, www.despair.com. (And remember . . . no matter what happens on Valentine’s Day, things could get worse–and probably will.)