Dear Ann Landers: I have a better solution for “Feeling Unsettled in Canada,” who wants nothing to do with her mother, but feels uneasy about it. “Unsettled” should give her mother an ultimatum — either she behaves herself and treats her daughter civilly, or she will not be welcome in her daughter’s home. She doesn’t need to close the book on the relationship, but she does need to protect herself and her family from this mean-spirited woman.
I presented this ultimatum to my mother a number of years ago, and it worked out beautifully. Although we spoke often on the phone, I didn’t invite her to my home for two years. When she did come, her behavior was greatly improved. When she began to get out of line, I offered to find her a hotel room. Mom shaped up and was kinder not only to me, but to my daughter. During Mom’s final illness, we moved her into our home and took care of her. Two days before she died, I felt her unconditional love for the first time. — Someone in Ohio
Dear Ohio: How sad that your mother had to be at death’s door before you felt her love, but it was better than never having felt it at all.
I heard from many readers who rejected their mothers entirely because the relationship was hurtful or difficult. Your solution was much more humane.
Dear Ann Landers: I am a 36-year-old newlywed. My husband is 42. We love each other very much, but I have one major gripe and hope you can help me.
My husband spends a lot of time on the computer. He is not looking at porn or e-mailing single women. Right now he does a lot of video editing on the computer, but before that, it was something else. He is extremely talented when it comes to fixing software problems, and his friends and family are always calling him for help. Of course, he is more than willing.
We don’t go out much because we are trying to save money, so the time we have at home is precious to me. I wind up going to bed alone most nights, and sometimes, I wake up at 2 a.m. and he is still at the computer. When I try to talk to him, he says he is not a child and should be allowed to work late if he wants to.
I am tired of playing second fiddle to a 19-inch box. What can I do? — Computer Widow in Vermont
Dear Computer Widow: The only way you are going to win the battle with the computer is to offer your husband something more interesting. Meanwhile, I suggest you develop some interests of your own to keep you busy.
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Dear Ann Landers: I have been divorced for over 20 years, have no children, and all of my close family members live in another state. I have decided to give myself a 50th birthday party. A co-worker has told me this is a terrible idea. She says it is in poor taste to give a birthday party for yourself. I don’t understand why she thinks that way. The party will consist of dinner and dancing. I am inviting 40 people, and I will pay for everything.
I believe life should be celebrated, and I cannot imagine waiting around for someone else to give a party in my honor. Is it OK for me to do this, Ann? — Not Sure in Florida
Dear Not Sure: There is nothing wrong with giving a party to celebrate a major milestone. Since you are paying for everything yourself, I can’t understand what the beef is. Enjoy the party, and don’t let that sourpuss spoil the beauty of the evening.
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To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.