Dear Ann Landers: It was refreshing to read “New Jersey Wife’s” honest and humble description of her caregiving experience with her elderly mother-in-law. It seems Mom was miserable at home, so the family finally moved her into a nursing facility. It turns out this provided a setting where Mom flourished, and her family refocused on being supportive instead of overworked.
Many people are unnecessarily burdened by feelings of guilt about using the expertise of professional caregivers, so they try to manage on their own. Yet, many caregivers eventually come to realize that nursing facilities and assisted-living residences provide a high level of quality services and an excellent quality of life. After an initial adjustment period, it is common for residents or patients to feel they made the right decision, and often their only regret is not having acted sooner.
Professionals in the long-term care community know what being a caregiver entails and understand these are major, often difficult decisions families have to face. People in need of information should call or visit a facility in their area. Your readers can also obtain a copy of our free pamphlet, “A Consumer’s Guide to Nursing Facilities,” by calling us toll-free at 1-800-628-8140 or accessing our Web site at www.ahca.org.
For those in our profession, it’s all about quality health care.
— Charles H. Roadman II, M.D., president and CEO, American Health Care Association, Washington, D.C.
Dear Dr. Roadman: Thank you for letting us know about the toll-free number that could prove immensely helpful to seniors. Expect that line to be very buzzzzzy because this is a subject that will surely interest a great many readers.
Dear Ann Landers: I am engaged to be married in a month. We are having a small wedding with family and close friends only. The wedding will be at our church, but the reception will be a small, elegant dinner at a friend’s restaurant.
Our budget is quite tight, and we cannot afford much. The wedding dinner will be $15 a plate, which is more than we can manage. Would it be rude to ask our guests to pay for their dinners? How do we tell them?
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— Indiana Bride
Dear Bride: There is no decent way you can ask wedding guests to pay for their own dinners. Please consider a reception with cake and punch. Period.
Dear Ann Landers: I read the letter from the woman whose in-laws continue to talk at the door for another 30 minutes before actually ending the visit. My parents do that too. However, they do it at my house.
Mom and Dad will say they have to leave. They will then put on their coats and proceed to stand at the door for another half-hour. If my kids are in their bedrooms, my folks will go upstairs at least twice to “say goodbye one more time.” A few weeks ago, my husband and I said goodnight and went to bed. An hour later, we could still hear my parents puttering around in the kitchen, straightening up and checking the stove.
I love my folks and enjoy being with them, but we panic when we see their car pull up in our driveway because we know they will never leave. They are hypersensitive to any sort of criticism, so we cannot confront them. Any ideas?
— New York Daughter
Dear New York: Your parents sound lonely, not controlling. The easiest way to get them to leave is to keep the conversation going as you escort them to their car. Meanwhile, since you love your folks and enjoy being with them, try not to complain. Down the road, you will be willing to give anything to hear the old folks’ car in the driveway. One of these days, you will know what I mean.
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To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.