Dear Ann Landers: I am a new mother, and my baby is 6 months old. I was fortunate to have my mother-in-law offer to baby-sit when I went back to work.
Yesterday, after work, I discovered that my mother-in-law had used a curling iron to curl the baby’s hair. My daughter’s hair is naturally curly, and I was outraged that Mom would put a hot curling iron next to the head of a 6-month-old baby. I tried not to lose my temper, and when I dropped my daughter off the next day, I brought some soft sponge rollers. I told my mother-in-law if she felt the need to curl my daughter’s hair, to please use the sponge rollers instead of the hot curling iron. She replied that she had no intention of doing any such thing and next time, she simply would not tell me about it.
My mother-in-law treats my daughter like a doll she can play with and show off. I always believed it would be better for the child to have a loving grandmother care for her, but now I think perhaps she would be better off in day care. What do you say, Ann?
— Worried Mom in New York
Dear N.Y. Mom: I say a granny who would use a hot curling iron on the head of a 6-month-old child needs “monitoring.” Her judgment is poor, and I hope you will no longer use her as a sitter. Put your daughter in day care, or pay someone to stay in your home. Rest assured the money spent will be worth the peace of mind.
Dear Ann Landers: I have been divorced for 15 years. My son, “Bob,” an only child, is now 32 years old. He recently finished his graduate degree while living at home and just announced his engagement. The two of them moved into an apartment a month ago.
The problem is, Bob intensely dislikes “Henry,” the man I have been dating for three years. Henry is a great guy, but in all honesty, he sometimes likes to poke fun at Bob, who is extremely sensitive. Henry has apologized for his past behavior, but I’m afraid it’s too late. Anything he says is misinterpreted by Bob, and he takes offense, no matter what. This is causing huge problems.
I have asked the two of them to treat each other like gentlemen, but neither seems willing to try. I am becoming increasingly upset with Bob and think he is trying to break up my relationship with Henry. I need your help with this. Please don’t fail me.
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— Torn Between My Favorite Guys in Virginia
Dear Virginia: One of your favorite guys is guilty. I’ve run into individuals who stir up trouble and then play innocent — claiming they were “only kidding.” Nonetheless, it’s time to let bygones be bygones.
Keep those two apart as much as possible. Meanwhile, let Bob know how much it would mean to you if he made an effort to get along with Henry. Do the same with Henry. And be sure to compliment them when you notice they are trying. It will take patience, but it will be worth it.
Dear Ann Landers: Here’s another story about cigarette butts and cars. Many years ago, a teenage classmate had been smoking while driving. She flicked the lit butt out the window — only to have it blow back into the rear seat of the car. She arrived at school, rolled up her windows, locked the car and went to class.
Several hours later, she returned to find the entire interior was smoldering. As an added bonus, her father had no idea she was a smoker, so you can imagine the consequences.
— Reminiscing in Bangkok, Thailand
Dear Bangkok: Thanks for an interesting story. I hope your friend learned her lesson, albeit the hard way.