As Frank Sinatra would sing, if the New York Giants can make it in Tampa, they can make it anywhere. They have been treated like the Washington Generals all week, facing the indignity of playing second chair to the Baltimore Ravens, a team that didn’t even exist five years ago.
Question–What did the Giants do to deserve such disrespect?
Answer–Nothing much. That’s the problem. They bored their way into the playoffs after their coach, Jim Fassel, guaranteed that they would make it. Not even the guarantee caused the kind of stir the Ravens get in Baltimore just for showing up at the airport.
Q–Why didn’t New Yorkers gather at the airport to see their team off?
A–Jessie Armstead explained: “New Yorkers have a life.”
Q–Do the Giants have a team?
A–As a matter of fact, they do. Not great, but better balanced than the Ravens. Dull but sound. Sort of like last year’s Tennessee Titans.
Q–Didn’t the Titans lose?
A–As a matter of fact, they did. To a team with more pizzazz, the St. Louis Rams, who were sort of like the Baltimore Ravens of offense.
Q–But at least the game was good. Will this game be worth watching?
A–If you are turned on by punts and field position, yes.
Q–Didn’t Giants owner Wellington Mara call his own team the worst Super Bowl team ever?
A–Yes but his tongue was in his cheek. He thinks his Giants can sneak up on the Ravens.
Q–How?
A–For one thing, they can show off their own defense and their own secret weapon.
Q–Who is that? Jessie Armstead? Michael Strahan? Jason Sehorn?
A–All of the above, plus Keith Hamilton.
Q–Who is Keith Hamilton?
A–He used to play with Tony Siragusa at the University of Pittsburgh, but has neither the mouth nor the girth. However, he has the game.
Q–What makes the Ravens the favorites?
A–Oddsmakers are sick of losing money on them. Plus, it’s hard to bet against a dominant defense. The margin of error for the Giants is so slim.
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Q–But the Ravens don’t have any offense, do they?
A–Only Shannon Sharpe, who makes one play per game.
Q–Can’t the Giants stop him?
A–You would think.
Q–Didn’t the Ravens go five games without scoring a TD?
A–Yes, and hardly anyone noticed.
Q–What did they do about it?
A–They adopted a new motto: “Quoth the Ravens–Never Score.”
Q–Then what?
A–They put Trent Dilfer at quarterback.
Q–The Trent Dilfer?
A–The Trent Dilfer.
Q–And the Ravens are in the Super Bowl?
A–Told you they had a good defense.
Q–And the Giants are the underdogs?
A–Hard to believe, but yes.
Q–How can they win?
A–Score first. Winning Super Bowl teams almost always score first. This year, it will be even harder for a team to come back because both defenses are so good. The Ravens will be happy to sit on a 3-0 lead.
Q–So it should be a good, close game, right?
A–Probably close, but maybe not good unless it’s scoreless for three quarters. If one team gets up early, it could turn deadly. Then you will learn more about the intricacies of the two-deep zone than you ever will want to know.
Q–Won’t people turn it off?
A–Not if the commercials are good.