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It got to be embarrassing telling friends where we would be retreating for
the weekend.

French WHAT?, they would amusedly ask.


Isn’t that where Larry Bird is from? You know, “the hick from French Lick?”

Well, yes. But once you’re over the initial blushing, you discover that
French Lick has more to offer than giggles or basketball lore.

The southern Indiana town (pop. 2,087) is home to the French Lick Springs
Resort, a 497-room hotel at the site of natural springs containing a purported
22 minerals. Known as Pluto water, the springs were harnessed and drew elite
crowds in the late 19th Century and beyond to soak them up, or even drink them
by the gobletful for their laxative qualities.

The original 1840s wooden hotel burned down and was replaced in 1902 by the
elegant brick front you see today, with various additions and upgrades. And
they don’t serve the water any more — demand dried up and bottling stopped in
1972 when it was discovered the water contained traces of lithium, a
controlled substance. But you can still soak in the mineral waters in the
luxury of a multi-jet tub, easing off the dust and soreness from your
horseback ride, golf game or tennis match.

We arrived at 4 p.m. on a Saturday (the resort Web site says it’s a
five-hour drive from Chicago, but it took us 6 1/2 with occasional pit stops)
just in time to head to the hills — rather the ranch in the hills — for our
45-minute easygoing horseback ride. Serving as a guide for me and my horse,
Rusty, was a local student who talked about Bird’s new home nearby and which
restaurants in town we ought to try. But the highlight of the ride was the
view of the green, rolling countryside for miles around from the top of the
hill (the second highest point in Indiana, we are proudly told). We could only
imagine the splendor of the scene once the trees start to show their autumn
colors.

A bit bow-leggedly, we headed next to the resort spa and our date with a
Pluto bath.

The spa isn’t quite up to the standards of, say, the Phoenician in
Scottsdale, Ariz., but it has plenty of amenities and bygone-era charm. We
were escorted into separate, marble-walled chambers featuring the whirlpool
tubs and a pronounced sulfur aroma. But once plunged into the warm, swirling,
grayish waters, the gunpowder and rotten-egg odor faded and we easily reached
a state of relaxation. All too soon our 20-minute soak was interrupted by our
spa aide saying it was time to snap out of it with a quick shampoo and shower.

My soak was followed by a manicure in a soothing yellow, octagonal lounge
featuring stained glass windows. Nail technician Pat tells me this was the
original mineral bath room in the spa’s heyday, and I began to wonder if hotel
guests including Bing Crosby, Lana Turner or Abbott and Costello were ever
buffed and scrubbed in that very nook.

Next it was time for dinner at Jack’s, the resort’s upper-end dining room.
It’s positioned as a steakhouse, so it’s no surprise that vegetarian offerings
were tough to spot on the meat-heavy menu. I opted for the generous portion of
rack of lamb, which arrived perfectly medium rare. My pal ordered the
blackened Atlantic salmon, and while we feared getting a dried, bland filet,
what arrived instead was a juicy, spicy hunk of fish that satisfied.

Afterward, we repaired, martinis in hand, to the hotel’s spacious and
welcoming front porch. It’s a rustic, wooden, wraparound affair where, in the
style of Mackinac Island’s Grand Hotel,, guests can choose rockers or wicker
chairs and continue their conversations or listen to the live entertainment.
This night, it was a singer-guitarist. Unfortunately, unlike the Grand,
there’s no lake view here, just the tree-bordered parking lot and the bottling
plant across the street.

The next morning, my private tennis lesson was inexplicably canceled (the
tennis pro never showed up). So instead, I joined the hotel’s free tour, given
by Eva Sharron Kobee, whose father worked here for 55 years, eventually
becoming chief engineer. Kobee and her husband first courted on the porch.

The tour includes a stroll to the pavilion covering the source of the
springs . . . a gazebo painted with amusing phrases referring to nature’s
laxative. Feel free to bend down and scoop up a sip. It tastes awful, but in
such a small amount produced no ill effects.

Kobee also showed our small group some historical photos of the resort and
of nearby West Baden, a recently remodeled structure that hadn’t functioned as
a hotel since Depression times and was now for sale. We learned that 14 trains
a day used to bring resort-goers to French Lick (today, none) and that there
used to be rows of outhouses for the use of those who consumed the fast-acting
liquid.

We also learned that no one is really sure why the place is called French
Lick. Kobee says the buffalo were the first to take the waters, licking the
minerals from the rocks in the region, hence the name “lick.” The French
reference may come from traders who frequented the area, or have been passed
on by a commander from a military camp near Nashville that was called French
Lick. “There are many theories,” Kobee said. “But we just don’t know.”

My afternoon was spent in and around the two swimming pools. One has a deep
end of 10 feet. A domed, shallower pool seemed more popular with the kidlets.
Towel aides were eager to assist and offered to fetch drinks or food from the
bar, a good spot for inexpensive burger fare at lunchtime. Not once did we
hear anyone using a cell phone. Ah, bliss.

Then it was time (yes, reporting is such hard work) to return to the spa
for his and her massages.

Here’s a tip: When you book, ask for a massage in one of the private rooms,
where you’ll receive the use of a waffle weave robe amid low lighting and
soothing music. I didn’t do that and was directed to a brightly lit, steamy
corner of the Pluto bath area where I could hear other massage conversations
as well as the tubs’ jets. My friend’s massage was more serene.

Our Sunday night dinner plans involved checking out what everyone told us
was where the locals dined: The Villager. But we were too relaxed to move
quickly and didn’t get there before the 9 p.m. close. It turned out not to be
a bad thing, though, because we ventured instead into French Lick, the town —
a few square blocks of antique stores and five-and-dimes — wandering into
Jody’s 19th Hole, an interesting combination of tavern and family restaurant.
This surprise gem was full of local folks shooting pool and a DJ playing
everything from ZZ Top to the blues.

Our final morning took us back to the pool and back to the porch to absorb
some of the serenity we hoped to carry home to Chicago. But first I was able
to reschedule a private, one-hour tennis lesson. This time, the “pro” was a
University of Louisville graduate named Kane Easter who had been a Davis Cup
player in his native St. Lucia. We played outdoors on courts that could use a
resurfacing. (The eight indoor courts are not air conditioned.) Easter’s tips
were indeed expert, and I could see some improvement in my serve and backhand.

It was time to leave, and we felt tempted to stay another day by checking
into a motel in town for only $40 a night, but duty called us back to
Illinois. We compromised by taking Indiana Highway 135, a scenic route that
goes through the Hoosier National Forest, then stopped in Bloomington for a
delicious seafood dinner at Malibu, where we sat outside with a view of the
courthouse square.

In all, it was an informative, romantic and relaxing weekend getaway. I
might even be able to wear my souvenir French Lick T-shirt without blushing.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Weekend expenses for two:

Lodging (two nights) … $255

Meals ……………… $185

Activities …………. $338

Gasoline and tolls …… $80

Total ……………… $858

IF YOU GO

GETTING THERE

French Lick is about 300 miles from Chicago. Take Interstate Highway 90 to
Interstate Highway 65 to Interstate Highway 465 at Indianapolis. Then pick up
Indiana Highway 37 to U.S. Highway 150 to Indiana Highway 56. Some prefer to
fly to Louisville, then drive about 75 minutes.

LODGING

French Lick Springs Resort, 8670 W. State Road 56, French Lick, IN 47432.
800-457-4042; www.frenchlick.com. We paid $127.33 a night for our room and
tried nearly all of the available activities, which considerably raised our
bottom line: $45 for a one-hour private tennis lesson plus court time, $38 for
a 45-minute horseback ride for two, $140 for massages for two, $25 for
manicure, $50 for an Aromatherapy Pluto bath for two — plus $40 in tips.
Special packages can lower your bottom line. “The Deuce” tennis package for
beginners is $109 per person per night, double occupancy, and includes
unlimited outdoor court time and 4 hours of basic beginner instruction. “The
Tiebreaker” is $149 per person and is designed for mixed doubles play. It
includes breakfast and dinner, court time and instruction. A spa package for
$99 per person per night includes a choice of two 30-minute treatments. Golf
packages range from $119 per person per night to $179. Restrictions apply.

Beechwood Country Inn, P.O. Box 96, French Lick, IN 47432; 812-936-9012.
This stately bed-and-breakfast operates in a 1915 mansion that was the home of
Charles Ballard, original owner of the West Baden Springs Hotel. The elegantly
appointed home has six rooms with private baths ranging in price from $129 for
the former maid’s room to $229 for the Ballard Room and its two-person marble
hot tub. Fine dining restaurant and winery shop also on site.

Lane Motel, P.O. Box 224, French Lick, IN 47432. 812-936-9919. This is a
no-frills-but-everything-you-need motel on Indiana 56 that, at $42.80 a night,
will help you beat our bottom line in case you want to visit the resort but
save on accommodations.

DINING

We ate Saturday at the resort’s fanciest, priciest ($72 for the two of us)
place, Jack’s Steakhouse. After dinner we were able to take our martinis out
to the porch.

Elsewhere in French Lick:

The Villager is where the locals eat. It’s casual and closes by 9 p.m.

Jody’s 19th Hole is a locals’ hangout with tasty bar food.

ACTIVIES/ATTRACTIONS

French Lick Springs Resort offers dozens of activities such as archery,
mini-golf and horseshoes, plus more than 30 miles of trails to explore on
horseback in rides lasting 45 minutes ($19), 90 minutes ($34) and 2 1/2 hours
($50). Reduced rates and petting corral for children. The main resort operator
(800-457-4042) can connect you to the stable for more information.

Indiana Railway Museum, P.O. Box 150, French Lick, IN 47431; 812-936-2405.
Just north of the resort, visitors can learn the state’s rail history and take
a train from the old Monon Railroad station April through October plus
weekends in November. A 20-mile, two-hour excursion winds through the Hoosier
National Forest. The brochure says that on certain weekends “train robbers on
horseback lend thrilling drama to the trip.” $8 adults, $4 children.

West Baden Springs, Indiana 56; 812-936-4034; www.historiclandmarks.org.
One mile north of the resort is its one-time competitor, frequented by the
likes of Al Capone, though it hasn’t operated as a resort since the Depression
era. This 700-room, national historic landmark, with a six-story domed atrium
that once hosted circuses, recently underwent a $30 million renovation and is
open for guided tours ($10 adults, $5 for kids ages 13-18, $2 for ages 6-12
and free for under 5.

S.F.