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This year’s gift-buying frenzy is almost over, but for you last-minute shoppers, we asked our Austin Powers nemesis, Dr. Evil, for his Top 10 Xmas gift suggestions:

10. Melissa Virus: The Computer Game

9. Ronco snowball freezer

8. Pokemon cards printed with disappearing ink

7. Hand-knitted, 100 percent wool underwear

6. Audiobook: James Joyce’s “Ulysses,” as read by Richard M. Daley

5. Fat B—— brand haggis

4. Collectible gum from vintage baseball card packages

3. Pair of tickets to Elf-Tossing Tournament

2. Family-size bag of vacuum-packed reindeer jerky

1. One million dollars’ worth of . . . fruitcake!

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