“Let’s get rolling here!” bellowed Sen. John Chafee, the star of a show he did not particularly want to last very long.
It was lunchtime Friday at the moth-eaten National Press Club, home to Washington’s favorite media ritual, the staged event, and the senior senator from Rhode Island was taking a break from two-legged animals to voice concern over four-legged ones.
As official Washington was mostly immersed in chit-chat about Kosovo, gun control and spending bills, Chafee was spotlighting the plight of tigers and, whether he knows it or not, perhaps even a discreet body part of a former secretary of state.
Yes, tigers were on his mind.
Indeed, a somewhat unlikely trio of Republican Chafee, diehard Democratic Interior Secretary Bruce Babbitt, and Exxon Corp. Chairman Lee Raymond were starring in this brief foray into one of the off-the-beaten-track issues jostling for a moment or two of the media’s childlike attention span on any given day.
This century, which brought us air conditioning and L’eggs pantyhose, also has seen the dramatic decline of tigers. It’s estimated that about 95 percent of the population has been wiped out, in part due to poaching, leaving perhaps 7,500 of the Asian cats.
The federal government passes along small sums to help government and private groups protect certain species, notably the tiger and rhinoceros. The Rhino and Tiger Conservation Fund, which is run by Babbitt’s Fish and Wildlife Service, and the Save the Tiger Fund, which is overseen by the congressionally created but private, non-profit National Fish and Wildlife Foundation, are prime conduits of the largess.
Chafee, 76 and a World War II Marine hero who is retiring after his current term, is chairman of the Environment and Public Works Committee, which is one reason–but only one–that a baron of American enterprise, Raymond, took time off from his megamerger with Mobil.
“We work on many subjects together, the least of which is tigers,” Raymond said, with the sort of no-nonsense candor in minimal supply in this town. One wonders as to which debatable tax breaks and other subsidies he might be alluding.
Well, Chafee had an announcement to make but theoretically had to cool his heels, given Press Club norms, for a half-hour to pass and for people to be served salads and assembly-line entrees of meat, mashed potatoes and asparagus. He didn’t really feel like waiting, getting antsy quickly on the dais, as at least one Chafee aide discerned.
“The senator would like to know if we can have the next course now,” the aide was overheard as he tracked down a waiter in a corner, a mere 10 minutes into the meal. The entree was whisked in and, faster than you could gulp down those mashed potatoes, the Guadalcanal veteran was at the podium.
“Keep eating. Keeping eating,” he told the assembled. “Don’t let me deter you.”
Chafee announced that colleague Christopher Bond (R-Mo.) was in attendance and that he was a “double tiger man,” having ties to both the University of Missouri and Princeton University, whose mascots are the tiger.
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While Missouri is already very actively involved in tiger conservation via a program called “Mizzou Tigers for Tigers,” Princeton can now expect to get a letter from Chafee.
He will start a campaign aimed at about 400 companies, colleagues and other groups that use the tiger as a mascot, logo or trademark. He will ask them to contribute to the two groups most actively involved in tiger conservation, and he will sponsor a bill to authorize $6 million a year over four years to go to those groups.
It can thus be envisioned that the general manager of the Cincinnati Bengals, or the president of Princeton, will open his mail soon and find a missive from Chafee that will state:
“I believe that your company can appreciate not only the desperate situation of the tiger, but also the dire need to protect it. Your company uses the tiger as a trademark because of the image that it conveys and its power as a marketing tool. If this animal were to go extinct–a sincere possibility in our lifetime–that image vanishes.”
Will the general manager be moved to dramatically slice his contract offer to a star tight end so that the coffers of the Rhino and Tiger Conservation Fund can expand? Will the president divert student loan funds so that endangered Siberian tigers can be saved?
If hesitant, they can check out Raymond, who revealed that Exxon, whose symbol has been the tiger for nearly 100 years, would give $3 million over the next three years for tiger conservation, expanding a previous $6 million, five-year pledge.
Chafee was clearly delighted, though the bonhomie was not shared throughout the room. That was evident at the start of a brief question-and-answer period, which reminded one that, even in the National Press Club, some questions are best left at the front door.
Chris Holly, a reporter for Energy Daily, arose to play the honorable role of luncheon-party skunk.
He indicated that Exxon’s pre-tax revenues last year were $9 billion. By that measure, a gift of $3 million was the equivalent of a $10 gift from somebody making $90,000 a year.
“I just don’t think that’s fair,” declared Chafee, interrupting Holly before he could ask a question.
“With all due respect, sir . . .” Holly started to respond.
“With all due respect, another question,” announced Chafee, turning elsewhere and acknowledging someone else.
In due time, the Powers That Be moved to eradicate all vestiges of such incivility, as an official of the American Zoo and Aquarium Association stood at his table and said, “I can tell you, Mr. Raymond, your work is very appreciated.”
There followed the sort of polite applause associated with the royal box at Wimbledon. A minute or so later, Chafee was looking at his wristwatch, indicating that he had pledged to be done by 1 p.m. and had now efficiently achieved his goal.
Presumably, he could return to his office and start sending those letters, one of which I do hope goes to former Secretary of State George Shultz.
As a few eminent historians of American diplomacy, or deluded journalists, may recall, Shultz, a loyal Princeton grad, is said to have a particular animal tattooed on his derriere.
As he has saved his tiger, he might now donate to saving others.
Hastert takes hits
OK, let’s get this straight:
– Tuesday, June 8: “Speaker to Lay Down Law to Fractious House GOP” blared the Page 1 Washington Post headline, informing the world that “with little legislation to show for his month of low-key stewardship,” House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) would that morning be transformed from Good Denny into Bad Denny, dispensing with his “laissez faire” leadership style and taking a hard line to put everybody on the same page.
– Wednesday, June 9: “Hastert Plea Halts Conservatives’ Spending Bill Revolt,” the Post headline heralded, making clear that “An impassioned plea for Republican unity from House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert appeared to pay dividends yesterday . . .” The point was that Bad Denny had forced the miscreants to listen up for the sake of unity.
– Friday, June 11: “Hastert Changes Course on Gun Curbs–Speaker Abandons Attempt to Unify House Republicans” came the Page 1 Post headline. Now, one learned, Hastert was reverting “to a more laissez faire leadership style that came under criticism when the House reached impasses over spending policy and the Kosovo conflict.”
All clear now?
Well, at least it was clear what a group called Public Campaign thinks. It bought a full-page ad in Thursday’s Post to pillory Hastert for a go-slow approach to campaign finance reform.
Linking him to two Republican foes of reform, Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas) and Rep. John Doolittle (R-Calif.), it decried in big, fat letters that, “Dennis Hastert Will Only DeLay and Doolittle.”
It’s not Jonathan Swift or A.J. Liebling. But as satire goes here, it wasn’t bad.
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