Monica Lewinsky apologizes to Hillary and Chelsea Clinton in her interview with ABC to be broadcast Wednesday night, but she doesn’t expect they will ever forgive her.
“I wouldn’t dream of asking Chelsea and Mrs. Clinton to forgive me, but I would ask them to know that I am very sorry for what happened and for what they’ve been through,” said Lewinsky, the ex-White House intern whose relationship with the president led to his impeachment.
Lewinsky calls President Clinton her “sexual soul mate” in an unedited audio tape of part of her conversation with Barbara Walters.
Speaking publicly for the first time about the first family, Lewinsky said she had warm feelings for Chelsea and “wanted good things for her,” mostly because Clinton loves her so much.
“This is sort of a hard thing to explain, but because I cared so much about the president, and (Chelsea) means the world to him–I mean, she is the most precious thing to him–I had a very strong affinity for her,” Lewinsky said.
When asked if she ever thought about the First Lady while carrying on an affair with her husband, the 25-year-old said she did “a lot,” but assumed Clinton’s infidelity never would be exposed.
“I never thought she would find out,” Lewinsky said.
During the interview, Lewinsky often sounded girlishly enthusiastic. At other moments, she seemed mature, self-confident, wounded– and frequently embarrassed. Often, she came across as simply defiant.
Lewinsky still carries a grudge against “the meanies” who banished her to the Pentagon from the White House because she was getting too close to the president.
“I don’t think that my relationship hurt the job he was doing. It didn’t hurt the work I was doing. It was between us,” she said. “I don’t think it was their business, actually.”
She refused to take “complete responsibility” for the country’s yearlong ordeal and remained unashamed of the sparks that she said drew her and Clinton together.
“From the beginning there was a very intense sexual attraction, and I don’t necessarily think a sexual attraction is a bad thing,” she said. “I didn’t feel that way –and I still don’t.”
On the other hand, when Walters asked her if she worried about “doing something wrong” for the president or the country, Lewinsky said she “feels bad” that she had no qualms at the time.
Lewinsky said that she told Clinton she was in love with him. “He said, `That means a lot to me.’ ” Lewinsky acknowledged that Clinton never said he loved her, but she added that “there were times” when she believed he felt that way–especially after their 18-month sexual affair had ended.
Lewinsky called Clinton her “sexual soul mate” and said their chemistry clicked from their first kiss. “We instantly felt very familiar with each other, and we were very comfortable with each other, and it was amazing,” she said. “He’s a good kisser.”
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She called Clinton “a very sensual man who has a lot of sensual feelings” that conflict with his deep religious beliefs. “I think he tries to hold himself back and then he can’t anymore because it’s an energy you cannot, can’t ignore.”
Lewinsky says ex-pal Linda Tripp encouraged her relationship with the president, even before she knew about the affair.
“There were forces, like people who might have had other reasons for wanting this relationship to continue, who influenced me,” she said.
“(Tripp) would say things to me like, `Oh, you’re just the type of girl the president would like, and you should think about going back to the White House. I bet you could have an affair with him,’ and I thought, `Oh, this lady’s kind of kooky,’ ” Lewinsky said.
Lewinsky also provided new insight into the endlessly replayed snippet of video tape showing her in a black beret hugging the president at an event Nov. 6, 1996.
That day, according to Lewinsky’s story, was the real beginning of the end. It was because Clinton didn’t call her as she expected after that meeting that Lewinsky became upset enough to confide in Tripp. The older woman betrayed and taped her, leading ultimately to Clinton’s impeachment and Lewinsky’s national humiliation.
Lewinsky said, “That was the starting event . . . that led me to be susceptible to making a bad judgment in confiding in Linda Tripp. That was the start of it. It was devastating, devastating for me . . . that he didn’t call . . .
“This unexplainable behavior in my mind meant: `It’s over. He didn’t really care about you.’ “