Friends and family members can’t be trusted to tell you how you look. They’re either too eager to please or they seek revenge. So in the interest of curiosity, I recently sent a few snapshots, a little bit of my dignity and a check for $18.50 to The JustHow Company, a London-based panel of 10 ordinary judges, whose Web site (www.justhow.co.uk) promises to tell you exactly how strangers see you.
So what was their verdict? Am I a sexy 28-year-old with well-kept eyebrows and a head too big for my slight body? A fun, outgoing, skinny smart dresser with proportional ears and thin lips? Or a confident, trustworthy athlete with in-control hair and a strong neck?
Yes, yes and yes. They used those words exactly to describe me. The evaluation is divided into an overall appearance rating, strong and weak points and a list of words to describe the judges’ first impression. Judges use the General Appearance Marking Guide to rate individual features based on a 100 percent scale. You get 30 points just for being human.
Two of the judges gave me a 70, but eight put me in the 60 to 69 percent range. Having been an A student, I assumed 60 percent stood for D as in dreadful. But it doesn’t mean below-average appearance. It means what people have been telling me my whole life: “You have the potential to be attractive.” This puts me three rungs below beautiful and four away from very unattractive. Yep, I’m full of potential. I may be a little short when it comes to dates, but I’ve got possibility coming out of my well-proportioned ears.
Overall they thought I could put a little more muscle into my grooming routine. They might have a point. I’ve only recently parted with my Wet-n-Wild cosmetics, would blind myself with an eyelash curler and have never had anything waxed. But hey, a little neglect pays off. Those eyebrows they liked remain unplucked.
The judges could have been much more scathing and often are, according to the Web site. To ensure no frail egos fall into their “brutally frank” hands, all potential beauty contestants have to sign a waiver stating they’re over 18 and have read the “Who Should Not Apply” clause. The disclaimer warns that judges “do not know you and do not care about your feelings.” They would rather not comment on the looks of the depressed or be sued for emotional damages.
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If you think an unbiased opinion is invaluable, then you’re actually getting a pretty good deal from the pretty police. Head-shot reviews cost $10. Helpful hints cost an additional $7, although my grandma could have told me for free to gain a little weight and work on my smile.