As theories go, Conspiracy is certainly more interesting than, say, Phlogiston, or the Big Bang, so before we discount the Bulls’ suspicions as so much wacky spite, let us at least offer a small round of applause for their entertainment value.
I mean, where else but from Phil Jackson would you get the accusation that bad officiating had upset the “valence factor” of the game.
Try to fine Jackson for that. Try to figure what he’s talking about.
I think we all should chip in and help pay Jackson’s last or next speech tax, sort of the price of admission for delightful twists of mind that will be gone too soon.
(If you must know, Rod Thorn, valence has something to do with the bonding of atoms. Either that or kitchen curtains.)
And how splendid it is to be reminded of the lasting relationship between Scottie Pippen and certain officials of his acquaintance, inseparable through time or shared experience. As long as there is a Pippen, there will be a Hue Hollins. At least in Chicago.
Without the postloss grumblings of the Bulls, this little crab stagger against the Pacers would have been a bunch of off days waiting for Larry Bird to fog up a hand mirror.
Instead, we have options. We can scold the Bulls for soiling their considerable majesty with human complaints (almost every one of which is true), or we possibly may just allow that they might know what they are talking about.
All conspiracies operate under the axiom that just because you are paranoid, that doesn’t mean they are not out to get you.
Let’s take Mr. Hollins. He makes the valence-altering call on Pippen for illegal defense. He makes it at a critical time. He makes it at a time when, to the recollection of every NBA witness I asked, it is never made.
Here comes Conspiracy Theory, Add 1. Hollins has waited four long years to slap Pippen down again, just as he did back in New York. Why? (1) He can. (2) To show Pippen who is still the boss. (3) To enable the NBA and NBC to have a Game 7 on Sunday, a day that would have been entirely without basketball, thereby costing the league valuable exposure, the network considerable income and one more look at Michael Jordan.
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Add 2. Once there was to be a Game 6, putting off the start of the Finals until Wednesday, there would be a Game 7. So this whole thing was orchestrated way back in Game 4, the game where so many bad calls were made in the last 30 seconds.
Add 3. Believe that conspiracy and you have to believe this one. The NBA and NBC conspiracists (for brevity, let’s just run them together as NBABC) do not want the Bulls to lose.
Game 7 is great. It should have ratings beyond any other in this playoff until there is a Game 7 against the Jazz. But it has served its purpose.
What NBABC does not want to happen is for the Bulls to lose Game 7. An NBA Finals between Utah and Indiana would have the appeal of a county fair pickle judging.
I get the feeling that the league, that maybe even the basketball public, will not be sorry to see the Bulls go. But not while they are so eminently useful.
In Indiana they are fond of playing a clip from “Hoosiers” where Gene Hackman convinces his undermanned bunch to play like winners and, whatever the final score, they will be winners.
Nice sentiment, but it does not apply to NBABC. Marquee matters, and the Bulls have it. No conspiracy theorist can believe that the Bulls have been manipulated to the edge of elimination, not to be saved by the same conspiracy that put them there.
Which brings me to my all-time favorite disbeliever, the corrupt sheriff in “Unforgiven,” played by the same Hackman from “Hoosiers.” He has just been shot by Clint Eastwood.
Astonished, Hackman gripes to his killer, “But I was building a house. I don’t deserve to die.”
Eastwood answers, “Deserve’s got nothing to do with it.”
That’s my theory.