The technical name is the Gasp-O-Meter. Here’s how it works. Late in Bulls games–and late is getting earlier all the time–the Bulls must be ahead in order to win. This has been the case in both playoff victories over New Jersey.
This surely will be the case in the next round. And the one after that.
How far ahead do the Bulls need to be? That is what the Gasp-O-Meter measures.
Sunday the number was 16 points, or the largest lead minus the winning margin. The Bulls were up by 21 on New Jersey, won by five. Do the math.
In the first game it was 14 points, the largest lead lost before overtime.
“We’ve won both games,” pointed out Phil Jackson.
Such a fact is immaterial to science. Not to mention to panic and apprehension.
So I have given this much clinical and scientific thought. My calculations are as reliable as any by Roentgen or Richter.
The Bulls need a double-digit lead by as late as 5 minutes to play, and woe is the first time the Bulls are actually tied going into the final quarter.
“It is embarrassing losing a 21-point lead down to three,” Steve Kerr said.
That is the beauty of the Gasp-O-Meter. It takes embarrassment out of the equation, like a tire gauge takes excess air out of a spare. It is all needles and numbers.
It is obvious that the Bulls are going to stand on their tongues at some point in every game they play. What the Bulls need to know is at what point they may safely do it.
“We played really well for 2 1/2 quarters,” Kerr said. “We were really rolling. Then we played poorly for the last 18 minutes.”
On Friday the Bulls played poorly for only the last 8 minutes. At this rate, and I have checked my figures closely, the Bulls will need to be up by 30 in Game 3 in New Jersey. Then they can play poorly for the last 30 minutes.
“We’ll be at home and we’ve got fans juiced up and waiting,” promised New Jersey coach John Calipari.
That is a variable that needs to be included. Juiced-up fans. Let me figure this quickly. Invert the denominator. Transpose the cosine. Ignore the remainder. Carry the one. OK. A 40-point bulge at halftime will do it.
“I think we felt comfortable taking the big lead,” Michael Jordan said. “Then things started slipping away. So we had to clamp down a little bit.”
Clamp time. One of the primary features on the Gasp-O-Meter.
“We played mush-mouth basketball the first half,” Calipari said.
No problem. The Gasp-O-Meter can reconcile even the most extraneous filigree, be it mush-mouth basketball or even the time of day.
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“It was a 4:30 game,” Jordan said. “I’m a little leg-weary.”
What older fellow doesn’t feel just a little droopy around tea time?
The Gasp-O-Meter assumes leg weariness, no matter when. And it also assumes that not only will it happen to Jordan, but to Dennis Rodman and to Ron Harper and to Scottie Pippen, even to Kerr, to all the older Bulls who still must do all of the work.
“The score was much closer than it should be because of errant free throw shooting,” Jackson said.
While the Bulls missed 13 free throws, the Gasp-O-Meter shows that they could have missed another four and still won.
This is a precise figure, nothing as vague as the Nets’ conviction.
“I don’t want to act like I’m bragging,” New Jersey center Jayson Williams said, “but as I told Michael, `We are one or two players away from kicking your behind.’ “
Where the Nets will find those one or two players between now and Wednesday is unclear, but the Gasp-O-Meter is versatile enough to accommodate late changes.
And unless that one or even two players happens to be Grant Hill and/or Glenn Robinson, I’ll just keep the thing as calibrated.
Patent pending.