In the ethereal realm of e-mail, where sources for all information must be taken on faith, a friend forwarded me the following message, which he claims he received from a theology student:
“Microsoft Corporation today announced its intent to purchase, copyright, and upgrade God Himself. The new product would be named, predictably enough, Microsoft God. . . .
“Microsoft God will make our Lord more accessible, and will add an easy, intuitive user interface to Him, making Him not only easier to find, but easier to communicate with. . . .”
The message goes on to discuss planned spinoff products, such as “Microsoft Crusades,” which would help users convert their “worshiper accounts and prayer files over from previous versions of God, or from competing products like Buddha or Allah.”
For credulous readers and Microsoft lawyers, let me stress that this is a spoof. Not that Bill Gates is not rich enough, but the whole idea of “an easy, intuitive user interface” in a Microsoft product is absurd.
And since this kind of extended joke seems to make up about 80 percent of all e-mail traffic, I didn’t give it much thought.
But then, just moments later, I received a press release alerting me to a new Christmas product available on the Internet from–here came a shiver–Microsoft.
No spoof: Microsoft has an online travel magazine called “Mungo Park” (after a Scotsman who died exploring Africa in 1805). You can find it on the Internet, and if you have the right Microsoft software, you can read, hear and see its various features through your computer.
In past issues, Mungo Park has chronicled events such as Dr. Ruth Westheimer traveling to the Islands of Love off Papua New Guinea. This month, the virtual publication goes to Bethlehem to celebrate– well, it is best understood in its own words.
“In this season of celebration, of epic myths and legends, Mungo Park celebrates the eternal quest of truth,” a letter from the magazine’s editor trumpets. It goes on to claim the issue will “examine and honor the birth of Christmas.”
In addition to supplanting those old seasonal myths and legends with its own eternal truths, this issue of Mungo Park will detail a Middle East expedition retracing the steps of the “legendary `Three Kings.’ “
This is not idle entertainment. Bill Gates is, as Charles Dickens put it in a familiar tale of the season, “always a good man of business.” So every screen offers you an opportunity to purchase gifts, plane tickets, books or hotel reservations, all with the click of a mouse.
“It’s the time of year for tradition, ritual and ceremony (and if sending seasonal cards is part of your annual ritual, shop the rack of Postcards for that special Mungo Park greeting),” the magazine winks, its virtual hand outstretched.
Mungo Park is not Microsoft God. But it is clear that Mungo Park’s creators, however perky and unwitting, share the same theology.
And whatever it might mean to “honor the birth of Christmas,” it apparently has little to do with honoring those people who believe in the birth of Christ–people for whom the reality of that event is far more palpable and pervasive than what flickers across a computer screen.
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March of time: All of the above is not to say that I am opposed to technology. Take, for instance, the Web site of the National Conference of Christians and Jews, found at www.nccj.org.
On Christmas Eve, the site is scheduled to unveil a new feature, based on the conference’s 1998 Interfaith Calendar. Here each of the 14 religious communities represented on the calendar will post a page describing one of its most holy observances.
You can also pick up information on how to order the 1998 calendar. It costs $15, but all the proceeds go back into paying for production of the next year’s calendar. If you want to bypass the whole machine, you can write to the conference’s Chicago chapter (which created the calendar in 1989) at 360 N. Michigan Ave., Suite 1009, Chicago, Ill. 60601.
The calendar is an attractive primer on religious traditions, from American Indian to Zoroastrianism. It also lists hundreds of religious holidays, which is extremely useful for religion writers, school administrators, employers and the culturally curious.
And if anybody complains to you about the crush of the holidays, tell them you’re worried about April 5, 1998, when Christian Palm Sunday, Wesak (celebrating the birth of Buddha), Woodland Indian Spring Feast and Hindu Ramnavami coincide.