I hate to break this to Michael and the fellas, but there will no repeat of the three-peat, no sixth championship, no “One For The Other Thumb,” ring ceremony. The Bulls have as much chance of winning another NBA title as Jerry Krause has of getting his navel pierced.
This isn’t said lightly. But like the Pledge of Allegiance and premeal prayers, it must be said. Sorry.
The Bulls are older than leisure suits. Think about it. Dennis Rodman has tattoos older than Kobe Bryant. Tracy McGrady grew up watching MJ. Joe Kleine is almost old enough to dip into his IRAs without tax penalty. Old.
An ordinary Boston Celtics team ran them into the parquet. Against the San Antonio Spurs, the Bulls played two overtimes and still couldn’t break the 90-point mark. They won, just like they did Wednesday night against a decent Orlando Magic team–and that’s the important thing–but it wasn’t pretty. Any creakier and the Bulls would have needed a few squirts of WD-40.
“We’re not playing that well but we’re winning,” said Steve Kerr, who put the Bulls at about 70 percent operating speed.
Jordan is still Jordan, but what happens if he tweaks an ankle, sprains a wrist, feels a twinge in his knee? Then what? The Bulls depend on him more than seniors depend on Social Security.
There is no margin of error with Jordan. One medium-sized injury and it’s over for the Bulls. He can’t have an extended shooting slump. He can’t get tired. He can’t be human.
But this is temporary, right? As soon as Scottie Pippen recovers from foot surgery, the Bulls will return to 10,000-pound gorilla status. They’ll get a nice, comfortable seed for the playoffs, work their way to the Finals and then somehow find a way to earn another championship.
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Uh, not exactly. The initial projections have Pippen back in the lineup by early January. Throw in a small recovery setback and maybe we’re talking late January, early February. Nobody knows for sure and until they do, Pippen will be in street clothes and Jordan will be logging serious, leg-sapping minutes.
Even when Pippen does make his 1998 debut, it’s going to take time for him to reach vintage Scottie levels. And what if he isn’t 100 percent? This is the final year of Pippen’s contract. Does he risk reinjuring himself so close to the megamoney deal he craves? And how much longer can he suppress his anger toward an organization that has shopped him like a used Chevy?
Pippen isn’t the only guy the Bulls miss. Brian Williams’ departure to the Detroit Pistons hurt more than anybody will admit. With him the Bulls had precious depth, an inside presence and another scorer. Without him they have Dennis Rodman heaving jump shots from 20 feet. Less Pippen and Williams means more Rodman. Too much Rodman.
Scrape off the tattoos, remove the nose rings, go light on the peroxide, do away with the pointless cheap shots, and Rodman is an accomplished rebounder, nothing more. He is complementary, like salt on fries. But until Pippen returns, Rodman becomes a scoring factor. And a liability.
It would be nice to report that Toni Kukoc will save the Bulls from getting beat in the conference finals. But Kukoc’s game remains as stale as Shecky Greene’s jokes. He scored 14 points against the Magic, but he still can’t rebound, still can’t defend, still can’t fully convince anyone that his foot is fine.
Luckily the Bulls have the vaunted, mysterious, mystical triangle offense. Look, I’m no X-s-and-Os expert, but I talked to a former NBA coach who is. The coach said the Bulls’ offense is great at creating open spaces and one-on-one opportunities.
“But it doesn’t get you a shot,” he said. “It puts you in position to make your own shot.”
Problem is, the Bulls don’t have enough shot makers. Right now, there’s Jordan. And . . . Jordan. And . . . Jordan.
The Bulls’ only chance for a second three-peat rests entirely on Jordan’s 34-year-old shoulders, Pippen’s speedy return and the mediocrity of a league overwatered by expansion. The Los Angeles Lakers, Utah Jazz, New York Knicks, Detroit Pistons, Miami Heat and Atlanta Hawks remain contenders until further notice.
“It will be a lot tougher than the first time,” said Kerr of the Bulls’ title aspirations. “But the nice thing is that we think we’ll be there eventually.”
Maybe he’s right, maybe the Bulls will win this thing. I’d rather see that than Krause’s new navel ring.