Jay McSweeney had just turned 17 and his girlfriend was 16 when an unplanned pregnancy plunged them into parenthood earlier this year. The teens’ future together is uncertain, but Jay’s relationship with his baby boy is on a firm foundation, thanks in large part to an innovative countywide program aimed at shoring up young fathers’ parenting skills.
“It’s one of the best things that has happened to me. Everybody there can relate to what I’m going through,” Jay said of MELD for Young Dads, a support group for fledgling fathers that meets weekly at Grace United Methodist Church in Naperville. MELD stands for Minnesota Early Learning Design, a non-profit parenting agency based in Minneapolis that developed the curriculum for the fathers program in the late 1980s.
For more than a decade, young unmarried mothers have received practical guidance and emotional support from Greater DuPage MELD for Young Moms, a not-for-profit social agency based in Glen Ellyn. Earlier this year, in response to a growing demand from young fathers, the agency launched a similar program for men.
The dads program initially attracted a handful of fathers but now serves more than a dozen on a regular basis. Another 40 or so have expressed interest, organizers said. Dads range in age from 17 to 25. The typical participant is 20, unmarried and living apart from the mother and child.
No agency keeps statistics on teen dads, according to Janet Bornancin, Greater DuPage MELD executive director, but last year, about 4 percent of the births in DuPage County were to teen mothers. The figure is low, given a statewide average of more than 12 percent, but it translates to more than 500 births.
Though programs to foster responsible fatherhood are in progress elsewhere, including one for low-income dads run by the Cook County Department of Public Health, the DuPage group is the only MELD for Young Dads, project in Illinois, according to Dwaine Simms, a MELD manager.
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The national agency plans to begin an in-depth assessment of the program’s effectiveness soon, Simms said, based in part on data from nine MELD for Young Dads groups operating in five states.
Besides learning how to diaper and discipline effectively, dads get help with everything from job searches to stress management as they move toward maturity. The program also advocates responsible family planning.
“When you’re walking through a mall and see somebody with a cuddly baby in a stroller, it looks really cute, but what you don’t realize is that kids wake up with colic at 3 a.m.,” said Jason Macek, who became a first-time dad in 1991 at age 19. Today, married to his onetime girlfriend, Macek serves as program coordinator for DuPage MELD for Young Dads.
“A lot of teenagers don’t really have a good concept of how to take care of themselves, let alone taking care of a child,” Macek said. “And babies get very expensive real quickly.”
The biggest challenge for MELD for Young Dads is getting dads to attend the group for the first time, Bornancin said. McSweeney, who learned of the program while in family counseling, was atypical in that he had no hesitation about seeking help.
“I wanted to get my life together and set a good example for my son,” said Jay, who works full time as a telemarketer and plans to attend college next year. But most young dads find it difficult to take the first step.
“A lot of guys hear `support group’ and think that if you say you need help with an issue, there must be something wrong with you,” Macek said. “And some guys think that since they aren’t (married to or living with) the mom, why should they care about the baby? But once a dad comes to one MYD meeting, he always shows up for the next one, unless he has to work.”
Dads are encouraged to bring their children with them to meetings, which begin with a meal cooked by volunteers from a church men’s club, United Methodist Men. According to club president Doug Krause, members decided to become involved after a presentation by Greater DuPage MELD officials, who were seeking a rent-free space for MELD for Young Dads meetings. Club members also serve as sounding boards for dads who want to talk.
“We’re trying to foster the joy and responsibility of being a parent, and mealtime is family time,” said Krause, an empty-nester father of three. “We also try to foster the idea that everyone should have some sort of religious base. But we don’t lecture. We’re just here for the dads if they want to discuss anything.”
Educators and family advocates such as John P. Zaremba, president of the Robert Crown Center for Health Education in Hinsdale, have praised the MELD for Young Dads program as “a unique opportunity” for dads.
“Young fathers in this situation often get discarded because of pressures from the girl’s family,” Zaremba said. “But it really is important that the dad be there for the child from the beginning.”
For young fathers with no positive adult male role models, the participation of the men’s club volunteers is critically important, Zaremba said.
To accommodate young dads who work nights, MELD hopes to launch a second group that would meet Saturday mornings at another site.
“We are looking for another host church or other facility now,” Bornancin said.